Transparency and Praise Report

     I felt at a loss as to whether I should share this but the Lord kept bringing to my mind the fact that I’ve been thanked for being so transparent in my blog. I need to share that I certainly can’t take the credit for this. I’ve always believed in being open and honest knowing that if I’m out there with it all that no one can say I deceived them as to what I’m about. But, I wasn’t 100% sure that this was a good thing until I attended the church that my husband and I joined after less than a year (2005). (http://journeyassembly.org/). Our pastor, Don Carter and his wife Janet, have always been very transparent and not only I but others that are also members have exclaimed how truly comforting this is. It lets us know that we’re not alone in our struggles and also helps us to be more transparent with others, too. *James 5:16a “Confess your trespasses to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed.”

     .I’ve written recently about the work that needed to be done on my teeth. Yesterday was the first of several appointments that it will take to get my mouth in good condition again. As normal, I was petrified. I have a history of my teeth not numbing or it taking much Novocain, Nitrous and even being fully knocked out to have any work done. I pray as much as possible during these visits but even so I’ve had so much apprehension that even the last time during just an evaluation and x-rays, I was nauseous the entire time I was in the procedure room. Praise the Lord, yesterday was different and so much better than in the past. I shared this with a few friends: “Thanks for the prayers. How could I do badly? Had prep for a crown & 3 fillings today. Took Novocain and Nitrous but they were still amazed at how relaxed I was. Could've been my infatuation with the angel that was hovering over me? Ya think? Praise the Lord!” and with one friend I shared “I knew that I was supposed to stop my car and email several people too and you were one of them. Joe acted skeptic like it was the gas but I knew better! I knew what was going on in my heart! I don't like going to the dentist and I honestly get a bit freaky. And I ran to Him (God) so He helped me! I've told people that I've known that walking away from the Lord for me would be like pulling my own plug to my life support! By Him is the ONLY way I make it! I've also shared that the smartest thing I ever did was to admit how weak I am!” I know He will sustain me, whatever it takes! And He is most definitely worthy to be praised!

May God bless you through my writing. If He has especially touched you in any way, please leave a comment below. Your comments are so very encouraging to me to help me to keep writing. Also, click on the “Uptweet” button on the above right and share! I pray you will keep coming back. I fully believe that my writing is by the inspiration of the Holy Spirit so if I am writing, there is someone that needs to read it! Maybe it’s you? Also, please be sure to share any questions you might have with me and if you would like to keep them personal (just between you and me) please don’t hesitate to e-mail me at juliana.pace@gmail.com. If I don’t know how to answer you, I will may every attempt to refer you to someone for more information. Thanks and may God bless all your days!

Showing My Thankfulness

And yet I feel like I’m fully inadequate in this…I just can’t thank Him enough! I got up this morning and headed for the sofa and my Bible app. on my iPhone and I read:


Psalm 28:7 NKJV "The Lord is my strength and my shield; My heart trusted in Him, and I am helped; Therefore my heart greatly rejoices, And with my song I will praise Him." (See it at YouVersion.com http://bible.us/Ps28.7.NKJV)


I shared this in groups on Facebook, in comments, in my status on Facebook, and by e-mail to several people and I still felt lacking. I wanted to shout it from the rooftops.


God is good. His mercy is everlasting. So much has happened to show His goodness toward us in the last few months that I do not know how to say enough. We have waited, travailed, prayed without ceasing, and on and on. There are those of you who know of the many, many trials of my life and for the most part since the 10 hour spine surgery that I had in 1995. Many trials and tribulations have marked my marriage but we have kept trusting Him, ever moving forward. I can honestly tell you that there has not been even one day that I have not praised and thanked Him for His presence in my life since my re-dedication to Him in 1988. (In this is a lesson to be learned in that I know that even if I don’t feel like praising Him that in the act of doing so, I start feeling like it).


I just simply must share my biggest news lately. I don’t know how many of you will find this to be an almost as joyous occasion as me, but I do know that some of you will share in my elation. Reading back over some of the archives of this blog may be helpful for you all to know more of my background. But, to put things briefly, in 2001 I seemingly had a stroke at 40 years old due to the onset of CNS Vasculitis. This started a tremendous amount of slurred speech along with other symptoms/side effects that impeded my speech. Then, due to an over-abundance of medication (26 prescriptions in 2001 alone) and their side effects, fillings started popping out of my teeth, my bite changed rapidly, teeth started breaking and crumbling, and on and on. A frightening display that I could not run from but God kept me so strongly within His arms (tears) which IS the only way I withstood it.


Good teeth was something I took for granted. I did not have a cavity until I was 18 and then I saw a dentist regularly with no apparent problems at all when I fell ill in 2001. I couldn’t get away from it, my tongue forever moving to the associated areas daily, hourly, minutely! And, I’ve fought every time I’ve opened my mouth to speak to anyone! And, I cannot adequately describe the amount of prayer this has invoked!


And, as if this all wasn’t enough, the loss of my full, open lipped smile has been the worst. I’m a happy, God loving, positive person who is so full of the joy of the Lord and I’ve felt that I’ve had to fight to show that (more tears)! The worse of my teeth have been right in the front so I cover my mouth, jerk, retract my face, and do whatever I can to not have them seen feeling like running in horror if I feel I’ve not hid them adequately. Yet, God has brought me into being even more extroverted and less self-conscious than prior to the illness that brought this on. He has always been there encouraging me, urging me on, comforting me!


Yesterday I was finally able to go to the dentist knowing that He had adequately provided the necessary funds to have my teeth repaired. I spent an hour long evaluation with full mouth x-rays and explanation of the possibilities. I was told that by the holidays I’ll have my smile back. I’m elated, ecstatic, so joyous beyond words! And, I’m looking forward to learning to talk right again! And, once again:


Psalm 28:7 NKJV "The Lord is my strength and my shield; My heart trusted in Him, and I am helped; Therefore my heart greatly rejoices, And with my song I will praise Him." (See it at YouVersion.com http://bible.us/Ps28.7.NKJV)


His goodness has been so amazing this spring and summer that I don’t fully know how to explain it all. You’ll just have to keep watching and reading my blog. I can only explain further at this point in time by sharing scripture that the Lord gave me not long after my re-dedication to Him in 1988:


*Proverbs 3:3-4 “Let not mercy and truth forsake you; Bind them around your neck, Write them on the tablet of your heart, And so find favor and high esteem In the sight of God and man.”


And, He’s given it to all of you who trust in Him, too!

May God bless you through my writing. If He has especially touched you in any way, please leave a comment below. Your comments are so very encouraging to me to help me to keep writing. Also, click on the “Uptweet” button on the above right and share! I pray you will keep coming back. I fully believe that my writing is by the inspiration of the Holy Spirit so if I am writing, there is someone that needs to read it! Maybe it’s you? Also, please be sure to share any questions you might have with me and if you would like to keep them personal (just between you and me) please don’t hesitate to e-mail me at juliana.pace@gmail.com. If I don’t know how to answer you, I will may every attempt to refer you to someone for more information. Thanks and may God bless all your days!

I’m Being Transformed…

     I’ve had such trouble writing for so long and now that I’m emerging from a prescription medication induced fog I feel the need to explain both the good and the bad. I’ve been talking to the Lord about my seeming inability to write for some time now. Yesterday in church (I have been having this happen for some time now) I knew I was supposed to write about some aspects of this time in my life so I prayed for the Lord to wake me up to write early if this was His intention. I awoke around 5 am this morning, lying in a half awake stupor for about ½ hour until I crawled out of bed knowing that falling back asleep wasn’t an option. There were so many words bouncing around in my brain that I knew that getting up and writing was my only option.

     First of all I’ve been so unsure about how to explain to myself about the anti-depressant medication after my mother passed away. I still believe in God’s miraculous healing power over the depressions of my past so how was I to explain about being on this type of medication again? Something that has bothered me the entire time I’ve been on it but I just put it in God’s hands and moved on: *Proverbs 3:5,6 “Trust in the LORD with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths.” I knew that he led me to the doctor and I’d prayed for His will to be done. I’ll refer you to a previous blog entry “My Momma’s Home” http://somethingbyjuliana.blogspot.com/2011/02/i-lost-my-mom.html - wow I’ve written more than I thought I did this year! Awesome!) I’ve known so well that my mom has been in heaven but my life was at a pivotal point with my body unsure of it all so I had some life induced stress reactions going on. I’ve believed for some time that God puts all medications here for our intended use and I’ve prayed for me not to be over prescribed medication, believing that He may use medication as a bridge to Him when finding Him in the fog of life is difficult. My car broke down on February 2nd of this year (another story entirely) so I have been nearly forced to remain at home, alone with Him for the most part of these past six months. At first I did it, almost kicking and screaming. I’ve not been on the go much but it seemed that having the car out there, knowing that I could go if I wanted to made life look much more appealing. Now that I look back at this time I see that this could have been a big reason for medication in itself.

     At this time, I am being weaned off of the medication. I’ve also learned a great deal about this in the past month or so. I had gotten to the point of the medication making me feel numb. Its intended use was to keep me from experiencing all the manifestations of the stress I was going through at this point in time of being lowly in mind (how else do I explain it?) but I hadn’t been experiencing so many highly joyous times with the Lord that I’d grown accustomed to. I knew something was wrong so I went to the doctor who told me that I would experience depression if taken off of the medication. But, I’ve learned that I’d rather experience all of my emotions than be numb. He also told me that the medication had stunted my creativity, which came over me so slowly that I truly didn’t know it was there until the resurgence of creative inspiration when starting to cut back on the medication. I have a real empathy for those who do not recognize the need to learn to rely on God versus medication when going through the trials of life.

     To share a tiny bit: On Father’s day were my first thoughts of confusion regarding the medication so my I started talking to the Lord about it. I wanted to wear my contacts to church, along with more casual attire, to go on an outing requested by my husband. In just adjusting to the contacts, I’d heard that I may lose them if I cry while wearing them. So, I prayed to not cry…BIG MISTAKE. My church experience was quite “DRY” also. Not only did I not cry but I also didn’t experience the normally heightened emotions. “YIKES”, I surely didn’t like that. I’d much rather cry and I’m back to my routine of no contacts while wearing waterproof mascara and toting along tissues. No, I do not experience many tears of sadness but the fact that I am a highly emotional person it seems that all of my emotions tend to overflow in tears. This did not happen this time! (I’ve cried many more tears while in deepened states of thanksgiving and joy than actual sadness in my last 23 years while walking with Him! Hallelujah!).

     This highly emotional state I’ve learned is a part of who I am and that I do not want to give it away. I love that I feel for others, too. I also “weep with those who weep” (Romans 12:15) quite easily.

     So, last week was a week of confusion, headaches, nausea and on and on as I know I was experiencing some withdrawals from this medication. I’d had some side effects when I first started taking it, so I’m not devoid similar while being weaned off of it. I’m now taking just half the dose and already so joyous to have my emotions running back. I am also very thankful that the Lord has brought me through this heightened educational time in my life. (If you’ve never read Joyce Meyer’s “The Battlefield of the Mind”, I must truly recommend it.) When I get into “stinkin’ thinkin’” I am now learning to stop and count my blessings, sit and read my Bible, go into my studio to paint and commune with the Lord, and/or turn on my worship music and make this my top priority. It’s better for my house to be a mess than for me to be one, which I’ve exclaimed even to my husband!

     Which brings me to an explanation of the learning process I’m going through as I am emerging from the fog. With the promotion to glory of both of my parents (Dad 10/16/01) I’m coming into a different time in my life. I am devoid of my earthly parents. At 51, God is becoming even more to me. Many ideas I’d had in my head since my youth have now been passing away with them. My folks didn’t pass away as so many say, I like what our pastor says that they were promoted to glory, but some of the things that I’d learned and taken to heart are passing away. I’m into a time in my life where God is that only still small voice that I pay attention to. I’m learning to remember the good things from my past while forgetting the bad, finally getting the idea behind this verse: *Philippians 3:13a: “forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead,”. I didn’t understand this before because I’d prayed and prayed to forget but it didn’t start happening until more recently. It seemed that the things from my past were serving as an educational tool. Those things no longer contain the sting to my heart that they once possessed. God has healed my memories!

     While in church yesterday I was reminded of a scene from my past. It was more than a year ago when I was talking to my mother on the phone. As she complained, I told her that I could be sitting in a pile of dung, praising the Lord. (I knew that thought was from Him since “dung” is a word that I don’t know that I’ve ever used. This is the way that His anointing works in me many times.) Yesterday the sermon was the final in a series on the coming of the end. We’ve been instructed on how we are to act as Christians while living in this world as it is today. I believe that much of the world today is this “dung” that the Lord has been instructing me about. This is how I am to act…sitting in a pile of dung praising Him! *Romans 12:2 “And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.”

May God bless you through my writing. If He has especially touched you in any way, please leave a comment below. Your comments are so very encouraging to me to help me to keep writing. Also, click on the “Uptweet” button on the above right and share! I pray you will keep coming back. I fully believe that my writing is by the inspiration of the Holy Spirit so if I am writing, there is someone that needs to read it! Maybe it’s you? Please be sure to share any questions you might have with me and if you would like to keep them personal (just between you and me) please don’t hesitate to e-mail me at juliana.pace@gmail.com. If I don’t know how to answer you, I will may every attempt to refer you to someone for more information. Please feel free to share this writing with others! Thanks and may God bless all your days!