I HAVE TO BELIEVE

I ALWAYS love this song no matter how old it gets in the mind, it still rings true in the heart!

*Romans 8:28 “And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.”

I don’t know how else to be. After the 28 years since I finally fell, I know no other way but to run to Him! My past is was so sorted and scary that I am so thankful that He has given me this in my heart, that I know nothing else to do but to run to Him.

This whole heart thing started out with a trip to Pennsylvania to see my step-son (son in our eyes) get married and I ended up in the hospital with a diagnosis of Congestive Heart Failure. And my mouth fell to my chest!


I had not had anything close to this in my life. Even though I smoked for 33 years (quitting in 2007), I had been a swimmer my entire life and I swam better under water than on top. The last I knew I could hold my breath for 2 ½ pool lengths. And here I was with Congestive Heart Failure that included such awful Shortness of Breath. And my life changed drastically!

*Proverbs 3:5-6
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
And lean not on your own understanding;
In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He shall direct your paths.”

I ran to Him. The days continued when we got home with more attacks. Sleeping with a large foam wedge to keep me sitting way up at night while sleeping since otherwise I would end up wheezing and go into heart failure. And, finally a Cardiologist who ordered more testing to end up finding out that I’d had a heart attack. I’d had a heart attack? This was definitely not something that I expected to hear!

And I saw a photo posted on Facebook that struck a chord with me, this time:



Praying is all that I’ve known to do. I’d lie in bed and just talk to Him, telling Him all my thoughts. I was so bewildered. How did this happen? Why did this happen? Why did He let this happen?

And now I had to have a Cardiac Catheter (which had frightened me since working at the hospital in the 1990’s). And with the upcoming holidays this had to wait and I had to be maintained with God and their medicine?

And, life goes on. Two days before Christmas my husband came home with a fever higher than 102. He ended up having Cellulitis in his left leg. This is blood poisoning and if not treated, deadly. I sat watching Christmas movies for days by myself. We did finally have a couple of hours of Christmas time on Christmas night where we got to open presents but he still was not eating yet. All plans cancelled with family.

We did finally get together with family the night before my Cardiac Catheter was scheduled.

*Proverbs 3:5-6
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
And lean not on your own understanding;
 In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He shall direct your paths.”

My husband’s last trip to the Emergency Room was on the night that I had Cardiac PCI surgery.

We need to back up a bit to the day of my Cardiac Catheter. I went through the procedure with numerous prayers coming from all over. They only sedate you for this procedure. They don’t put you all the way out. I have learned to pray as much as possible even to the point of thinking “Thank You Lord. Praise You Lord. Thank You Lord. Praise You Lord.” Continuously through the procedure when my mind is too occupied by the sedative. In no time it was over with yet I was immediately told that my heart was a mess with many blockages plus a part was either dead or sleeping with no assurance that it will awaken until blood flow is restored. I was told that I needed open heart surgery and I was given an appointment to see a Cardiac surgeon more than 2 weeks later. (How bad did you have to be to get more immediate attention? Sounded pretty bad to me.) and I was sent home.

I went home to “take it easy” without knowing for sure exactly what that was. But, I was tired so I relaxed on the bed even napping before my hubby got off work. Going to sleep later was a different story. I’d slept maybe an hour when I awoke abruptly with shortness of breath that would not let up so I went to the couch then soon I was calling 911. I was taken to the heart hospital by rescue squad that I’d been to hours earlier for the Cardiac Catheter. It wasn’t long before they’d found that I had fluid filled lungs (more than likely from a weakened heart and lungs) and it was thought that I should see the surgeon sooner to get the ball rolling for surgery. This was on a Tuesday. They shared reasons why they felt I was not eligible for open heart surgery and why stenting (PCI – multiple stent surgery) was more probable. (Hallelujah).

Numerous tests were then ordered to determine my physical situation to withstand surgery.

Finally, the PCI was scheduled for Friday. I woke up that morning, looked on the white board in my room that lists my nurse, patient tech, objectives for the day, etc… and I saw:
   
   
I had to laugh yet I knew that this was a God thing. In AA in Ohio they had a saying that ‘coincidence is God’s way of remaining anonymous’. I love things like this and He knows it!

Before long, I was in the Cath Lab, the procedure was done and aside from a few muscle spasms in my right arm that were all totally part of me, it went off without a hitch. I ended up being in the hospital until the following day when I was discharged.

The most significant thing I posted to Facebook after getting home?

“I must be honest! I am scared! Prayers please! I just prayed with Joe telling Him that I know that He knows what we need! In the past I had trust issues yet I always trusted Him to clear up those issues! That is how I feel today! I am an altered me! But I know He will teach me how to get through this! And, healing for my right wrist that is still aching from the procedure!

2 Corinthians 12:9-10 And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

I am moody. I have trouble looking at all the housework around me that I can’t fully do. I’m recuperating and awaiting a cardiologist appointment next week but all of this is in God’s hands.

UPDATE:  I've had 2 doctor's appointments since the stents were placed.  My breathing has already improved and has been confirmed by these doctors.  I am in the process of waiting to have my Cardiac Rehabilitation approved by my insurance.  I am feeling stronger almost daily!  All thanks and praise to Him who ONLY deserves it!  Hallelujah!

May God bless you through my writing. If He has especially touched you in any way, please leave a comment below. Your comments are so very encouraging to me to help me to keep writing. Also, click on the “Uptweet” button on the above right and share! I pray you will keep coming back. I fully believe that my writing is by the inspiration of the Holy Spirit so if I am writing, there is someone that needs to read it! Maybe it’s you? Also, please be sure to share any questions you might have with me and if you would like to keep them personal (just between you and me) please don’t hesitate to e-mail me at juliana.pace@gmail.com. If I don’t know how to answer you, I will may every attempt to refer you to someone for more information. Thanks and may God bless all your days!