MERRY CHRISTMAS 2014

I have a couple of things to share as my gifts to you on this glorious Christmas day! The first is a lesson that I learned recently that has so touched my heart that I feel as though it has even transformed my being once again as so much He has taught me has in this last 26 years! I’ve learned to never say that I’ve arrived because just when I feel as if I’ve had the ultimate revelation, something else new and even better starts in my walk with Him! He is the ultimate companion creating before me and through me the best life that I could ever hope for. And before I share the rest:

*Romans 8:28 New King James Version (NKJV) “And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.”

(And, OO I like this version!) Romans 8:28 The Message (MSG)

26-28” Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God’s Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don’t know how or what to pray, it doesn’t matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That’s why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good.”

This year has been a harder one but also full of many blessings!

*James 1:2-4 “My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.”

I know at some point that I shared that I had a loss of more than one third of my income just 4 days prior to Christmas, 2013. We have finally acquired an attorney to go to bat for me. God has met all of our needs BUT as the year has been spent, so have many of our reserves. I’m so thankful that my husband has been given such a gift in saving money. We’ve had stores of not a whole lot of money but many household products. They have been numerous on our shelves even with giving many things, multiplying our dollars so that where we might only be able to give just a little in dollars but we’ve been able to give much, much more in food and other household items! I am very thankful to God for this and to Joe for falling in love with this gift!

But, when it comes to Christmas I’ve found even though I have had other Christmases without all the niceties, the frills --- even the packages when I was much younger, I’ve felt lost without it all this year. I’ve realized that a big part of it is that everything felt gone all at once. I’ve found that other friends do not go overboard with the gifts between each other but still giving to the kids. Even though our son is no longer a kid, He moved back up north in February and this is our first Christmas without him here since he was 13. He is now 28. Something in my heart felt like it moved north with him and I know other mothers who might be reading this get it totally! And I will only go that far or I will never finish writing this through all the tears!

Then that old, ugly and huge invisible baseball bat that I mostly let Jesus take away several years ago showed up again! It’s so subtle! I have to say it is invisible because I never see it coming! It’s stuffed with perfectionism and my thoughts are consumed by it. I eventually came down with a bad cold and it was hanging on, keeping me in this fog too! Until this past Sunday morning when I finally broke down and talked to my Papa God. I shared with Him how I felt so badly that I wanted to turn myself over my own knee. “Why was I so provoked by not having “things” this year when we have so much than so many?” “Why was I pouting and even shedding some tears over all of this?” Then His grace came down, as it always does. And, no my Papa God was not mad at me for whining and acting like a spoiled brat as one might think He’d be. He showed me once again that He wanted to take this invisible baseball bat from me. He wanted me to show myself the grace that He shows me.

*2 Corinthians 12:8-10 “Concerning this thing I pleaded with the Lord three times that it might depart from me. And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

AND, the unexpected happened. I awoke on Monday morning and my cold had started to lift, being totally gone by Wednesday morning. And this made me think, too, I have had so much illness in my life, “have I brought much on myself by my unforgiveness?” There is so much on forgiveness in the Bible that I could write an entirely separate blog about it so I will noteven try to reference one verse. It seems like the #1 hardest thing for me in my life has not been forgiveness of others by far it has been forgiving myself.

And so I am onto a happy Christmastime! My Papa God has come to the rescue once again:

*Matt. 11:28-30 “Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.”

My thoughts at the Christmas Eve Candlelight service at our church last night were “Who wouldn’t anyone fall in love a God who would always show so much Love, Mercy, and Grace when I won’t even show it to myself?”

(Just a share. I love Christmas movies, especially the Hallmark Channel movies that are such ‘feel good’ movies although I’ve felt a lack of ones that touch on the true meaning of Christmas more than any time this year. Yes, love of friends and family is great but it would not even exist without our one true creator God. Only Christ can make a Merry Christmas! I voted “Signed, Sealed, Delivered for Christmas” the best new Christmas movie of 2014 due to so much TRUTH about God and:

*1 John 4:18 “There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love.” And

(OO, love this version for this one, too.) Hebrews 13:5 (The Message) “Don’t be obsessed with getting more material things. Be relaxed with what you have. Since God assured us, “I’ll never let you down, never walk off and leave you,” we can boldly quote, God is there, ready to help; I’m fearless no matter what. Who or what can get to me?”

Are molded into the movie meaning along with the story about Jesus’ birth. It is full of forgiveness and (a part of what helped me to see the above) mostly forgiving oneself. Please don’t miss a chance to see it!)

There is so much more this Christmas (along with others) where there is not the hustle and bustle to cloud Christmas. This is the third day in a row where I have had the thick, tangible presence of God with me until I feel just overflowing with God’s love. My cooking, although with meager bits, is even better since I shared with my hubby that “I’m putting my love into it!”. My mind has been opened to see so much more that is there!

The second gift in my heart today is one that I’ve thought so many times over but never gave thought to writing it down.

Today, on this chillier Christmas morning I awoke much earlier than my husband and the bed was so warm and cozy that I lie there thinking and talking to God. I was inspired to write about the above in church last night so that was a part of it but then I was inspired to share what or WHO I have awakened to each and every day for 26 years. Sometime during the first few months of my rededication to the Lord in 1988 out of fear I cried out to Him asking for His reminder through the Holy Spirit that He was always with me. To not let me ever forget because I was running far and fast away from a life of corruption to a new life with Him. And, He has surely listened:

*Hebrews 13:5 (The Message) “Don’t be obsessed with getting more material things. Be relaxed with what you have. Since God assured us, “I’ll never let you down, never walk off and leave you,” we can boldly quote, God is there, ready to help; I’m fearless no matter what. Who or what can get to me?”

Even to the point that when I wake up in the morning so much of the time I hear beautiful worship music in my mind’s eye and I know in my heart that He is either looking at me and waiting for me to open my eyes and greet Him or He is actually waking me up because He desires to be with me, all the days of my life!

*John 3:16 “For God so loved the world (ME) that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

And once again, that Christmas Carol that reminds me yearly of God’s grace and notable presence in my life even though I was adrift in the world because it has been my very favorite since I was a little girl:

May God bless you through my writing. If He has especially touched you in any way, please leave a comment below. Your comments are so very encouraging to me to help me to keep writing. Also, click on the “Uptweet” button on the above right and share! I pray you will keep coming back. I fully believe that my writing is by the inspiration of the Holy Spirit so if I am writing, there is someone that needs to read it! Maybe it’s you? Also, please be sure to share any questions you might have with me and if you would like to keep them personal (just between you and me) please don’t hesitate to e-mail me at juliana.pace@gmail.com. If I don’t know how to answer you, I will may every attempt to refer you to someone for more information. Thanks and may God bless all your days!

UNFORGIVENESS/FORGIVENESS

*Deuteronomy 3:22 “You must not fear them, for the LORD your God Himself fights for you.”

I learned countless lessons while in prison for 16 months. This is an account of just one of them. I’d first like to give you a small explanation of why I have not shared this in the past. I saw this as such an extreme explanation that I didn’t want anyone to take it the wrong way. I feared that people would think that if you offer up forgiveness to someone therefore releasing them into God’s hands that God would just get ‘em! Then I believe the Lord, this morning, reminded me of different instances in the Bible when God’s wrath was so much worse than this that I am about to share, but there are times where nothing is explained or it does no more than render us forgiven (although extremely necessary). *Mark 11:25 “And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him that your Father in heaven may also forgive you your trespasses.”

I worked in the cafeteria for several months while I was there. I had a job working in what they called the butcher shop. It was merely called that because it was a room where we were allowed to have knives due to preparation of salads, potatoes, etc… Since most of what we prepared was cold dishes, this room was also the only air conditioned room in the entire prison. I so saw this as a gift from God, especially in the heat of the summer when relief from the heat was found nowhere but there. But, you can also imagine that some jealousy was also aroused by this fact, too. The other lady who regularly worked in there with me was a self professing lesbian (do not know if this actually pertains to the happenings but in being honest I felt I should reveal it.).

After several months of working in there, I heard a rumor of some kind of lie being spread about me, coincidently, by my co-worker’s partner. (This many years later, I don’t remember what the lie was about, but it was something significant that could get me taken off of this job as she wanted to be in the butcher shop). It was then growing near the end of summer and I was offered a position as the assistant cook (which was the 2nd to the highest inmate job in the prison). The cook was a friend of mine who had put in a good word for me to get the assistant cook’s position so I took it. The lady who was trying so hard to win my position in the butcher shop was then offered my position. Of course, this was hard on me at first and it took quite a bit of praying to move me into forgiveness. But I did learn to forgive her.

It just so happened that at this time a rumor was also going around that one of the male corrections officers was attempting to molest some of the women. He had actually tried once to speak to me about sexual things but I just believe that the Lord showed me to ignore him and act like I didn’t hear him to stop his advances. That gave a little time for something else to happen to stop it altogether before he had the chance to make more advances (This happened when being taken down to the basement storeroom to get supplies.) But, after I left the butcher shop position and the new lady was installed in this position, she ended up being raped by this officer. Much harassment ensued and she was subsequently removed from the butcher shop. I know the officer lost his job but my memory fails me as to all that happened with that being more than 20 years ago.

You can well imagine that there were many times while I was in prison that I learned lessons about forgiveness. This was the most extreme account. I’ve seen time and again when people refuse to forgive someone else, it does so much more to the person who is harboring the unforgiveness than it does to the person needing to be forgiven. Many times that person will have no clue what happened. It very much, at times, will have to do with our perception of a situation. Talk to God about it and He’ll listen!

May God bless you through my writing. If He has especially touched you in any way, please leave a comment below. This is so very encouraging to me to help me to keep writing. I pray you will keep coming back. I totally believe that my writing is by the inspiration of the Holy Spirit so if I am writing, there is someone that needs to read it! Maybe it’s you? Please be sure to share any questions you might have with me and if you would like to keep them personal (just between you and me) please don’t hesitate to e-mail me at juliana.pace@gmail.com. If I don’t know how to answer you, I will find someone to refer to you for more information. Thanks and may God bless your days!