My Momma's Home

My Momma's Home -
9X12 Encaustic Mixed Media Painting
by Juliana

So, here I sit wondering what to write. I prayed and prayed as this is my first time writing since my mother was promoted to glory on January 12th, 2011. I know, without the shadow of a doubt that my mother is now celebrating eternal life with not only our most precious Father God & Jesus but also with my Dad, Grandpa, and etc… from our family who have previously been promoted to glory. But my life, for nearly 10 years since my dad was promoted to glory 10/16/2001, seemed to vastly revolve around organizing care for my elderly/disabled mother (87 years old). After 10 years one most definitely becomes accustomed to that way of life and I seemingly became dumbfounded feeling like I was supposed to be doing things that I could no longer do. I visited my mom on Sunday afternoon for months on end and Sunday afternoons became rather daunting to me. I felt lost in some way, needing some time to let it all soak in and become accustomed to a different way of life.



The Sunday following my mother’s promotion, I ended up down in front kneeling on the steps to the stage in church in tears. Two people came to pray for me and I heard “You have turned your back on her for a moment” and I had to stop her from praying to let her know that my tears were far from tears of sadness. They were tears of joy & thanksgiving in knowing that He was with me through it all.

My mom had been my very closest girlfriend for more than 20 years and she spent the last couple of months in the most severe pain that I’d seen. Her promotion was actually a major answer to my prayers. I am so very thankful to have such a blessed assurance of heaven. Such assurance that I had prayed for the Lord to take her home but with always knowing that my heart was succumbing to His Holy, most perfect will. I knew that He would not let either of us have any more than we could handle. As I sat in her room on 1/9, just 3 days prior to her promotion, I prayed for her, stroking her back and saw in her eyes what I had thought would be a loss of communication but we knew. It was like we saw inside the “see ya later”. And that was the last time that we saw each other in this world! My next and final glimpse was that day in church as the Lord gave me a vision in my mind’s eye of my dad, my mom, and I holding hands and dancing in a circle in heaven….a prize to hold onto until my eventual promotion in God’s time!

In conclusion, I awoke this morning with this song going through my head over and over: “Not Alone” by Red off their newest album “Until We Have Faces”. It’s a true must listen! 

My Book - Beyond to Better Things by Tricia Marie

First of all I'd like to share that Tricia Marie is my pen name. My name before I was adopted (at 18 days old) was Patricia Marie Beaver. There is quite a bit about my dad in this book. My dad passed away in 2001 at 80 years old and God had healed our relationship. When he passed away, he was once again my Daddy! I didn't wish to dishonor him anymore!

I was saved in 1973 at the age of 13 but no one told me how to make Jesus the Lord of my life. I was living in a dysfunctional household which I share about in this book. It wasn't until 1988 after being arrested for selling LSD, that I truly learned to turn my life over to God. I went onto being sentenced to 2 years in prison (did 16 months with time off for good behavior). I wrote this book mostly while in prison. It is a short testimony with 50 poems that I wrote in prison and an afterthought (written after my release). It is a very easy read and I would advise anyone to purchase it for anyone or specifically for someone on a similar path!

I would also like to encourage you to support the F.I.T.program with your donations: http://www.100hour.org/
20% of the final sale price of ALL of my artwork goes to support this organization!

UNFORGIVENESS/FORGIVENESS

*Deuteronomy 3:22 “You must not fear them, for the LORD your God Himself fights for you.”

I learned countless lessons while in prison for 16 months. This is an account of just one of them. I’d first like to give you a small explanation of why I have not shared this in the past. I saw this as such an extreme explanation that I didn’t want anyone to take it the wrong way. I feared that people would think that if you offer up forgiveness to someone therefore releasing them into God’s hands that God would just get ‘em! Then I believe the Lord, this morning, reminded me of different instances in the Bible when God’s wrath was so much worse than this that I am about to share, but there are times where nothing is explained or it does no more than render us forgiven (although extremely necessary). *Mark 11:25 “And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him that your Father in heaven may also forgive you your trespasses.”

I worked in the cafeteria for several months while I was there. I had a job working in what they called the butcher shop. It was merely called that because it was a room where we were allowed to have knives due to preparation of salads, potatoes, etc… Since most of what we prepared was cold dishes, this room was also the only air conditioned room in the entire prison. I so saw this as a gift from God, especially in the heat of the summer when relief from the heat was found nowhere but there. But, you can also imagine that some jealousy was also aroused by this fact, too. The other lady who regularly worked in there with me was a self professing lesbian (do not know if this actually pertains to the happenings but in being honest I felt I should reveal it.).

After several months of working in there, I heard a rumor of some kind of lie being spread about me, coincidently, by my co-worker’s partner. (This many years later, I don’t remember what the lie was about, but it was something significant that could get me taken off of this job as she wanted to be in the butcher shop). It was then growing near the end of summer and I was offered a position as the assistant cook (which was the 2nd to the highest inmate job in the prison). The cook was a friend of mine who had put in a good word for me to get the assistant cook’s position so I took it. The lady who was trying so hard to win my position in the butcher shop was then offered my position. Of course, this was hard on me at first and it took quite a bit of praying to move me into forgiveness. But I did learn to forgive her.

It just so happened that at this time a rumor was also going around that one of the male corrections officers was attempting to molest some of the women. He had actually tried once to speak to me about sexual things but I just believe that the Lord showed me to ignore him and act like I didn’t hear him to stop his advances. That gave a little time for something else to happen to stop it altogether before he had the chance to make more advances (This happened when being taken down to the basement storeroom to get supplies.) But, after I left the butcher shop position and the new lady was installed in this position, she ended up being raped by this officer. Much harassment ensued and she was subsequently removed from the butcher shop. I know the officer lost his job but my memory fails me as to all that happened with that being more than 20 years ago.

You can well imagine that there were many times while I was in prison that I learned lessons about forgiveness. This was the most extreme account. I’ve seen time and again when people refuse to forgive someone else, it does so much more to the person who is harboring the unforgiveness than it does to the person needing to be forgiven. Many times that person will have no clue what happened. It very much, at times, will have to do with our perception of a situation. Talk to God about it and He’ll listen!

May God bless you through my writing. If He has especially touched you in any way, please leave a comment below. This is so very encouraging to me to help me to keep writing. I pray you will keep coming back. I totally believe that my writing is by the inspiration of the Holy Spirit so if I am writing, there is someone that needs to read it! Maybe it’s you? Please be sure to share any questions you might have with me and if you would like to keep them personal (just between you and me) please don’t hesitate to e-mail me at juliana.pace@gmail.com. If I don’t know how to answer you, I will find someone to refer to you for more information. Thanks and may God bless your days!