He is making perfect sense out of a perfectly senseless, messed up life!

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Finding His Goodness

I continue to be woken up nearly every day with this song going through my mind:

Not Alone
Until We Have Faces
by Red

Slowly fading away
You’re lost and so afraid
Where is the hope in a world so cold
Looking for a distant light
Someone who can save a life
Living in fear that no one will hear your cry
Can you save me now

I am with you
I will carry you through it all
I won’t leave you, I will catch you
When you feel like letting go
‘Cause you’re not, you’re not alone

Your heart is full of broken dreams
Just a fading memory
And everything’s gone, but the pain carries on
Lost in the rain again
When will it ever end
The arms of relief seem so out of reach
But I, I am here

And I will be your hope
When you feel like it’s over
And I will pick you up
When your whole world shatters
And when you’re finally in my arms
You’ll look up and see, love has a face

And I will be your hope
(You’re not alone)
And I will pick you up
And I will be your hope
And I will be your hope

Slowly fading away
You’re lost and so afraid
Where is the hope in a world so cold

When I rededicated my life to the Lord in 1988, this was my main reason for grabbing a hold of Him. I was falling and He picked me up!

In July of 1988, I was 28 years old and I was working at a county agency for the elderly as the secretary - bookkeeper - activity director - and the director in the absence of the director. I was dating a model that was 7 years younger than me. I ran around in skirts, hose, and high heels and I looked as though I had it all to the world, but I was dying inside. I’d just been arrested for selling LSD and I knew that I was headed for prison. To me, this was the final blow. I’d had it! My heart broke wide open! I was going over the edge and had literally decided to have myself committed! And God reached down and picked me up!

I’ve heard, time after time, people preaching fire and brimstone. That may work for some, but it didn’t ever work for me. People condemned my ways and told me that I needed to repent, but all that did was give me more reason to hate myself and shoved me further and further down. That gave me all the reason in the world for my various suicide attempts. I thought I was no good and worth nothing! Every time I heard this preached on the radio, TV or etc… it heaped more shame, more guilt, more depression upon me.

But God came to me and pulled me up. He lifted me out of the muck and the mire and showed me His love. He wasn’t condemning, He was loving! And, I started to understand His love more through His word. I sat at my desk at work each day with tears running down my face but my Bible lay on my desk and I read His words:

Psalm 27:1,14
“The Lord is my light and my salvation;
Whom shall I fear?
The Lord is the strength of my life;
Of whom shall I be afraid?...


…Wait on the LORD;
Be of good courage,
And He shall strengthen your heart;
Wait, I say, on the LORD!”

And I could go on!

Just a couple of months ago I found a Bible verse that struck me. I know I’ve read it time and again before. This is why His Bible is called the living word. I read it over and over again and sometimes it takes even years before I see a certain verse. He knows when my heart will be open to it and it’s like He highlights it when it will truly touch my heart. I’ve learned this so many times over in this almost 23 years of my daily walks with Him that I continue to ponder His word on a daily basis. This verse was very special and continues to have a special place in my heart:

Romans 2:4
“Or do you despise the riches of His goodness, forbearance, and longsuffering, not knowing that the goodness of God leads you to repentance?”

And, I started praying for others differently; for them to see His goodness. For others to find His love as I did. And, I realized my true passion is just that, to share His love with others so that they may find what He has shown me. That their aching hearts may be comforted by the love of our magnificent Father.

2 Corinthians 1:4
“who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.”

And, I continue to hear those words going through my mind as if He was saying them to me Himself “I am with you. I will carry you through it all. I won’t leave you, I will catch you when you feel like letting go. ‘Cause you’re not, you’re not alone.”

And that is also why when I saw this photo it became one of my very favorites. I have a little card with it on it hanging on my desk in front of me now. I say I am the female version in this painting by an unknown artist:

May God bless you through my writing. If He has especially touched you in any way, please leave a comment below. Your comments are so very encouraging to me to help me to keep writing. I pray you will keep coming back. I fully believe that my writing is by the inspiration of the Holy Spirit so if I am writing, there is someone that needs to read it! Maybe it’s you? Also, please be sure to share any questions you might have with me and if you would like to keep them personal (just between you and me) please don’t hesitate to e-mail me at juliana.pace@gmail.com. If I don’t know how to answer you, I will may every attempt to refer you to someone for more information. Thanks and may God bless all your days!