There has been much going on to keep me from my love of writing but we have been in a transitional period that may aid in the possibility of this happening even less in the future. Not only was my long-term disability denied that is an insurance policy that I have through my previous employer but it necessitated us to dig deeper and pray harder about our current circumstances in the midst of several bouts of illness that left me understanding David in Psalms quite a bit more.
In March I went through the onset of Vertigo along with some other symptoms which explained even more of why my contribution to society must be based solely on God and His help. This was 11 days of the worset vertigo which also included an inner ear infection caused me to experience so many side effects that were similar to what I experienced for 6 years as a result of being put on the Decadron for the brain lesions in 2001. It’s horrid. Ask anyone experiencing vertigo and they will tell you that it make you feel as if you’re dying. The world spins and it started in the pit of my stomach and rose up through my brain. I was mad! I was mad at God, directly, like I’d never experienced in life before. I, very abashedly now, screamed at Him asking Him why He didn’t kill me off when He had the chance (like He doesn’t always?) back in 2001. But, when I calmed down and asked Him why He was still there when I’d been such a brat, I heard in that still, small voice “I still love you”. And after this horrendous spell with the vertigo I realized that my trust was stronger in Him. And, I understood that while I was unleashing my honest anger with Him, I was also trusting in my heart that He would never leave me nor forsake me.
*Deuteronomy 31:6b “…He will not leave you nor forsake you.”’
And, it was proven and it grew my faith.
*Psalm 27:10 “When my father and my mother forsake me,
Then the Lord will take care of me.”
I think this verse means, in general, father and mother being someone or those people who you believe to be as close as a father and mother. Your loved ones.
I yelled “stupidly” at Him and He stayed, loving me all along.
1 Peter 4:12-13 (TLB) “Dear friends, don’t be bewildered or surprised when you go through the fiery trials ahead, for this is no strange, unusual thing that is going to happen to you. Instead, be really glad—because these trials will make you partners with Christ in his suffering, and afterwards you will have the wonderful joy of sharing his glory in that coming day when it will be displayed.”
This is not just some gibberish. And, the feeling is as if it’s all never going to end, but it will. And it is in His time, not ours.
I can’t seem to help but think that sometimes I see a blessing for my future and it just seems to take so many trials to finally get to seeing it in fruition. To explain, God has been showing me things that I thought weren’t really ever going to happen because I expected them to happen in my time. BUT, I just believed and still do:
*Proverbs 3:5-6 “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths.”
I told you that we realized the need to pray more about our current circumstances. We have been praying for a good year or longer about our living arrangements. Actually indirectly I’m sure that it’d been for quite a bit longer since we are always praying for Him to direct us, for us to remain on His path. Much has fallen into place in the last couple of months. I will share more in future posts but to make a long story short, we have been miraculously moved. So many things fell together just right to produce this move that the only way to shorten this to less than book form is to tell you that we have moved to Christian Retreat in Bradenton and are in the process of getting unpacked and settled. With more to come.
Just thought I’d share that our pastor told us that we should print out Psalm 91 and attach it to our front doors. I’m actually attaching it to the front and back doors.
Safety of Abiding in the Presence of God
He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High
Shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty.
2 I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress;
My God, in Him I will trust.”
3 Surely He shall deliver you from the snare of the fowler[a]
And from the perilous pestilence.
4 He shall cover you with His feathers,
And under His wings you shall take refuge;
His truth shall be your shield and buckler.
5 You shall not be afraid of the terror by night,
Nor of the arrow that flies by day,
6 Nor of the pestilence that walks in darkness,
Nor of the destruction that lays waste at noonday.
7 A thousand may fall at your side,
And ten thousand at your right hand;
But it shall not come near you.
8 Only with your eyes shall you look,
And see the reward of the wicked.
9 Because you have made the Lord, who is my refuge,
Even the Most High, your dwelling place,
10 No evil shall befall you,
Nor shall any plague come near your dwelling;
11 For He shall give His angels charge over you,
To keep you in all your ways.
12 In their hands they shall bear you up,
Lest you dash your foot against a stone.
13 You shall tread upon the lion and the cobra,
The young lion and the serpent you shall trample underfoot.
14 “Because he has set his love upon Me, therefore I will deliver him;
I will set him on high, because he has known My name.
15 He shall call upon Me, and I will answer him;
I will be with him in trouble;
I will deliver him and honor him.
16 With long life I will satisfy him,
And show him My salvation.”