He is making perfect sense out of a perfectly senseless, messed up life!

Saturday, November 13, 2010

James 1:5 – My Answer

*James 1:5 (NKJV) “If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him.”

The Lord knows that I’ve been trying to analyze my life in my head over and over and over and over some more! That is my ADD brain, always going seemingly 90 miles an hour, going and going! I was teased at work in Ohio that I was like the “Energizer Bunny”. And, on top of that, many times, I’ve asked the Lord for wisdom that I might comprehend and share it with others. I’ve even prayed for His words to share this as it is not easy for me to explain. I have shared it with one friend, but she knows my quirks and I’m sure she half uses her own analytical mind to figure out what I mean! So, if any of you read this and have trouble understanding it, please do not hesitate to pray for wisdom and/or to message me, if you’d like!

It is my belief that if I’m able to share my peculiarities with you that it may put some understanding into your life’s meaning. Life is just “weird” and I was surprised to see how weird mine was, but still quite thankful to God for saving me in this way. I think, it may be more readily understandable if I take you through it a bit more chronologically.

I was adopted at 18 days old. I was told that I spent the first 18 days in a hospital. In 1960 when I was born, not much was known about bonding. So, I started off supposedly thinking that I was born to be alone (rejected and abandoned at birth). My adoptive mother told me that I only cried when I was hungry, which was all the time (10 lb. 8 oz. bouncing baby, too). I also didn’t like being held. Wow, did all of this make sense for someone with intimacy issues, weight problems, and a nearly life-long acceptance problem!

Thank the Lord for His leading me to a class on a book called “The Search for Significance: Seeing Your True Worth Through God’s Eyes” by Robert S. McGee (
http://www.amazon.com/Search-Significance-Seeing-Worth-Through/dp/0849944244). I went through a class on this book two times and would do it again. I learned things through this book that I wasn’t taught in nine years with a Psychologist. I would highly recommend getting this book. If you E-Bay, I’ve seen it on www.ebay.com very inexpensively. To tell you the truth, this helped take care of most of the wisdom regarding my life, except for why was I called a right brain person when it seemed to me that I was left brained and so mathematical in my make up? …and I was quite confused about this!

After reading this, I see it is more correct in thinking that I was for a time, more dominated by my left brain. To explain: When I was ten years old, my folks were told by my art teacher that they should encourage my art due to a recent painting I had done. This teacher saw potential in me. My folks didn’t believe that being an artist was the proper way to go so they discouraged this (although, mother being a piano teacher, I took 11 years of piano lessons). Only more recently did I put together all that happened at my age of 10 years old. My father started drinking regularly and so did I. I also took more and more mathematical oriented classes and only basic art that I had to take for credit. I had succumbed to peer-pressure and the direction of my parents.

(Sadly, even though a crafter from a small child, I never did discover my love of art until after I rededicated my life to the Lord in 1988).

In 2001, when the illness I’d contracted became very evident, I typed an estimated 120 words per minute. I had taken on the job training in radiological transcription so I could work part time hours making similar money and go back to school to become a Paramedic. I loved medicine! And, due to the predominance of my left brain, I’d worked in the social services doing primarily left brained work for the most part of 25 years.

The Illness: On January 24, 2001, an MRI of the brain was conducted and brain lesions were found. The largest (2 cm.) lesion was in my left frontal lobe (the left cerebral cortex). Among other things, my mathematical skills were extremely stifled for more than two years. Subsequent happenings were that my right cerebral cortex is now dominant and growing with my IQ becoming even higher than before the illness.

One thing I remember my psychologist telling me back in the early part of the 1980’s (when I was in my early 20’s) is that I was a right brained person (partially misunderstood by both he and I). Here I was in professions where I used primarily my left brain, but in many ways I showed that my right brain should be dominant (no wonder I was confused most of my life). And, also, he had explained to me that right brained people tended to have more emotional problems (bingo)…i.e., Van Gogh cutting off his ear.

Back to James 1:5 and praying for wisdom. I fully believe, now, that God kept me alive during those years of extreme alcohol and drug usage combined with severe emotional problems. He kept my predominance in my left brain to keep me from “jumping”. To keep me from going over the edge! For those of you who have not read my book or some of my previous writings, I experienced several suicide attempts with subsequent hospitalizations for depression and on and on, which led to the nine years of weekly psychologist appointments. All of the above led to my arrest for selling drugs with rededication to the Lord and final imprisonment (where I learned to know Him).

(And, I came out of prison in March of 1990 and was married in December of 1990 (still happily married to the same man)).

I realized my love for art, but at this time I was 30 years old and had only been trained for office work (Business Administration/Marketing in college) so that is what I continued to pursue.

Now, I know why my reactions to art were so extreme! Joe took me to several art exhibits, which truly touched my soul. As my love of art deepened I learned to do faux painting in my own home. My love of art was released in my decorating (and a little in needlework design and implementation). During a trip to Chicago and an exhibit at the Art Institute there I saw Renoir’s Two Sisters (On the Terrace) from across a room and by the time I’d walked over to it I had tears streaming down my face.

In 1995, I was struck down with complications from a fall from a roof in 1980 where I crushed a vertebra. It had calcified and was pressing into my spinal cord causing weakness of internal organs and the outward appearance of near loss of the use of my left leg. I was told if I did not have an extremely experimental surgery that I would surely be in a wheelchair in diapers in the very near future. Almost needless to say, I had the surgery. I was told that I would be off work for 6-9 months and in a body brace for 6.5 months. I was back working in 4.5 months in the brace. I learned, then, that God may let you go through something but He may still bring about healing more quickly.

I knew in my heart at that time that I was supposed to go back to work part-time and pursue something more creative on a part-time basis. But, I did not. I did slow down a little, but I went right back to working a part-time position but picking up more hours on the same or other shifts at the hospital. And, also back to the decorating or little needlework jobs on the side while watching TV.

There are many, many things I’ve learned from the illness that befell me in 2001…Countless! I can look back now, these 9 years later as I am still going through recovery and say that I wouldn’t change a thing! I endured with a much, much deeper relationship with our dear heavenly Papa! I could not put down in words all the ways that He has touched my heart and taught me things I did not know! One thing for sure is, that I am now that right brained person that He created me to be. I am an artist and a writer and I live in one of the most beautiful areas on earth (please check out my other writings). I fully believe that the world disabled me but God enabled me for so much more than I was doing before. And, with this…I’ll leave you with my future blog entries to read!

If you want to find out about your right/left brain predominance please check out the following link (Please note that this test is primarily geared towards artists – you can do a right brain vs. left brain search at
http://www.google.com/ and find a test for non-artists.

I had to laugh when I took this. My findings were: "You answered 16 items out of 20 as right brained. Your score is 80%. Your right brain is strongly dominant. "

What made me laugh even more was that nearly all the questions that I answered as left brain were primarily effected by my husband. *2 Corinthians 8:13-15 (NKJV) “For I do not mean that others should be eased and you burdened; but by an equality, that now at this time your abundance may supply their lack, that their abundance also may supply your lack—that there may be equality. As it is written, “He who gathered much had nothing left over, and he who gathered little had no lack.”

May God bless you even in some small way from reading this blog entry. Please share either in the comments below, or message me at:

*2 Corinthians 12:9-10 (NKJV) “And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”