Wednesday, December 21, 2016

ONCE AGAIN, my apologies & prayer request

I am here apologizing once again and asking for prayer. I know that I have not posted in some time. I am hoping this fact will change not long after the new year along with getting some much needed maintenance done on this blog. I inadvertently left out part of the title and have never fully gotten the background like I wanted it. My apologies! I also have hopes to get back to working on my next book while proofing all of my previous blog posts at the same time. Please bare with me and if you think of it, offer up a word of prayer for all of this, too! I am wanting to lift Him up for your benefit, not mine. Praying He helps me in this!

In moving to our new city and apartment, my husband and I moved back into a room together. I have much, much less space BUT I am just feet from my husband instead of several rooms away. I do not mind at all living in a smaller space. We gave up space for amenities. Now in a gated community at least at night. We are closer to my husband's work, 10 minutes compared to 40 minutes. So we have also given up a car. Please forgive me if I've shared all of this before. I won't rehash. Giving up some space has taken some reorganizing and with all else that has conspired this year, it's still ongoing. I have not been able to do any of my artwork since September of 2015. I have been missing it all and it is getting much closer to having it be resolved. I would appreciate any encouragement in the comments.

On top of all the moving, our son was married in November up in Pennsylvania. We attended and were so very excited about the whole thing. We now have a sweet new daughter-in-law and even a granddaughter! So our family has grown in leaps and bounds. Being adopted myself, this has brought much joy to my heart. When I was first told of her daughter (3 years ago) I was actually so very happy that our son was considering being a Daddy to a child that was already present in the world and needing him in her life. I am still ecstatic! The smile on our son's face at the completion of their vows told me volumes! He is 30 years old and I never saw such joy on his face. I can honestly tell you that I don't think I've ever gone so many hours without a dry eye, from joy, of course! My only regret now is that they live several states away. We would love to know both of them better! When I married my husband, I knew that he had a son from a previous marriage. I told him that if he ever wanted to get custody of him that I was fine with that and that I already loved him, being that he was a part of him. We went on to finding out that I could not have children (story planned on this in a later post). We got custody of his son in 1999 when he was 13 years old and I also had a son! And I won't spoil any more of the story for you.

Despite my efforts to regain health, along with many prayers, I ended up in the hospital in Pennsylvania. Then we returned home to work with doctors to overcome newly arisen issues yet Satan has appeared to be on the warpath. The only reason why I am sharing more in depth is that I need you to know how serious this is so that you all may pray accordingly. I was informed just two days ago that at some point I have had a mild heart attack. I am having further testing with a cardiac catheterization just after the new year. I know this can also be something that requires more recovery time to get me back moving again so it may slow my posts here, I will keep you updated. This is all something that I have been praying about for some time and has been needed even before the heart attack. Prayers please for my healing, and right now for me to keep my eyes on Jesus since I appear to be a bit flighty in my emotions. And also for my continuation in lifting Jesus up higher. I believe that God has a place for me out there and that Satan is mad and on the attack because of what God is wanting to do. But, we all know that Greater is He that is in me, than he that is in the world. I was having a much worse time of it until I saw this photo posted on Facebook and have had to share it now, many times over:

*1 John 4:4You are of God, little children, and have overcome them, because He who is in you is greater than he who is in the world.

And, due to the Christmas holiday I will share a Christmas song that I've lover over and over again. When the "Hallelujah's" ring in here it just truly inspires such awe in my heart that it brings tears. It is my hope that you will pay some deep attention and find the same! God bless you and Merry Christmas.

May God bless you through my writing. If He has especially touched you in any way, please leave a comment below. Your comments are so very encouraging to me to help me to keep writing. Also, click on the “Uptweet” button on the above right and share! I pray you will keep coming back. I fully believe that my writing is by the inspiration of the Holy Spirit so if I am writing, there is someone that needs to read it! Maybe it’s you? Also, please be sure to share any questions you might have with me and if you would like to keep them personal (just between you and me) please don’t hesitate to e-mail me at juliana.pace@gmail.com. If I don’t know how to answer you, I will may every attempt to refer you to someone for more information. Thanks and may God bless all your days!

Friday, October 14, 2016

FEELING ALONE IN YOUR FAITH?

This is one that I can truly share from experience. I went from first spending hours upon hours alone in a prison cell to spending hours upon hours in a sick bed, then on to still spending days, nights and then some alone in our apartment while my husband was working.

First and foremost, God says that He will not leave nor forsake us in His word.

*Deuteronomy 31:6 "Be strong and of good courage, do not fear nor be afraid of them; for the Lord your God, He is the One who goes with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you.”"

And, my favorite which are said by Jesus, Himself:

*John 14:25-27 “I’m telling you these things while I’m still living with you. The Friend, the Holy Spirit whom the Father will send at my request, will make everything plain to you. He will remind you of all the things I have told you. I’m leaving you well and whole. That’s my parting gift to you. Peace. I don’t leave you the way you’re used to being left—feeling abandoned, bereft. So don’t be upset. Don’t be distraught." (The Message)

And, this morning I was sharing this Christian concert with someone and I realized how it made me feel and I believe God was urging me to share it with you. In watching this, Winter Jam from a few years back came to mind. We had quite a few of us together at it but that was nothing as compared to the other 22,000 people (mostly youth) that were there. I still get encouraged thinking about it. It was one of the most marvelous experiences of my life. Worship has never been the same to me. And watching this video this morning along with the song's words I was just in awe. I wasn't awake but a few minutes when I had tears of joy running! Think you're alone in this Christian walk? Or, even think you're amongst just a few? Need some encouragement? Need some enlightenment? And just think, this concert is but one of Many! So, quit feeling alone and get up and do something about it! Share Jesus with all you can! And if you still feel alone, pray! Tell Him about it! Here it is: Passion - Even So Come (Live) ft. Kristian Stanfill (Make sure to click down in the right corner of this video to view it full screen!)

Friday, September 30, 2016

YOU CAN DO IT - How I quit smoking after 33 years!

First of all, what advice I'd found out there wasn't working. And, I especially remember feeling so defeated as a Christian. Why, when I knew this was so bad for me, could I not seem to even want to give it up enough. I felt like even in saying that, that I was putting it before my relationship with God. I quit all kinds of drugs and other hurts, habits, and hang-ups, but why was this so hard. I prayed and prayed and prayed!

I now remember that a song by "Red" gave me so much perspective into the way that I was feeling. It is a loud song (please turn it down if not to your liking and just read the lyrics) but I hope to find some lyrics to share:

My husband had quit and he was not the most pleasant to live with, with me still smoking. He let me know just what he thought about me still smoking. I told him repeatedly that I had to want to quit. It would not help me to try to do it for him. I had to do it for me, and for my God!

Trying to quit the traditional ways did not work. I tried probably every way that I found and even did stop 2 times for several months, but that habit was just too strong. I actually remember when I tried to do it cold turkey. After just 3-4 days, when my husband got home from work I was throwing things and yelling 'how can God help me when I can't even find Him?' Satan has his ways, his lies and deceit. Of course God was there. He was totally there waiting for me to cry out in the midst but Satan was prodding at the same time.

Finally I got a clue. I don't remember reading anything about it so I think it was just by Holy Spirit inspiration that I saw the need for me to break the habit first. I hope these things help you to make up your own list or rules to live by. This is what I did. I made up a list of rules that I would pray and ask Jesus to help me with.

1. I decided to only smoke outside, anywhere. Not even in my car. (Which I
must confess that I had already started smoking outside my own home
and found that I liked not having the mess in my home.)

2. I decided to pray and ask God to help me to never smoke a whole cigarette again. This way I reduced the amount of nicotine that I had in my system. If I saw it as too expensive, I'd put them out 1/2 way and save them for the next time.

3. I quit smoking at all the usual times, after meals, when I first got up, when I
first got home, etc. (make a list if need be) And, I'd just pray and wait a
bit longer. Jesus did help me. He's right there waiting. And it was easier
this time. I prayed about everything. And, I wasn't perfect. I remember
all of a sudden realizing now and then that I'd smoked nearly a whole
cigarette, but I prayed about that, too! I prayed so much that I'm sure this
6 months that it took me to quit, also increased my prayer life and drew me
closer to God at the same time.

4. I took 6 months. You can take less or more time. It's all between you and God!

5. I kept a pack of Nicotine gum there and I think I chewed 4-5 pieces of it.

6. I did not try to even start this on a holiday or other time where it would've been harder to stop. I prayed about slowing down, quitting, I prayed about it all!

7. Finally I prayed and set a date to quit. I quit smoking on June 8th of 2007. I will be honest. In the next 6 months I did slip and smoke 2-3 cigarettes but I quit!

At this time, I have 9+ years smoke free! You can do it, too! It does help that the price of cigarettes has skyrocketed. It seems that every time I have thought that I might try one, I see the price. YIKES!

If this doesn't work, maybe you need some encouragement. Find a Celebrate Recovery group in your area. It has helped me and so many others find victory over their hurts, hang-ups, and habits! WWW.celebraterecovery.com.

And, one of my favorite songs ever that we've sang at Celebrate Recovery. It is so befitting:

May God bless you through my writing. If He has especially touched you in any way, please leave a comment below. Your comments are so very encouraging to me to help me to keep writing. Also, click on the “Uptweet” button on the above right and share! I pray you will keep coming back. I fully believe that my writing is by the inspiration of the Holy Spirit so if I am writing, there is someone that needs to read it! Maybe it’s you? Also, please be sure to share any questions you might have with me and if you would like to keep them personal (just between you and me) please don’t hesitate to e-mail me at juliana.pace@gmail.com. If I don’t know how to answer you, I will may every attempt to refer you to someone for more information. Thanks and may God bless all your days!

Tuesday, September 13, 2016

ALL ACCORDING TO HIM

My apologies for not writing for so long. I have been in the midst of a dry spell, a walk in the desert where I never have stopped worshiping Him yet I've felt stifled, not knowing how to move forward. I have been shown in several ways that I am on His path and that He has just been telling me to "wait". This is a hard thing for me to do being ADHD. I know in many ways He has been trying to make me see something that my dad and I always had in common, that we are loved because we are His and not because of what we do. And a lifetime of feeling this way is not easy to change but He knows that I am commited and still letting Him work on me. I love the new tank top that I just got:

And, as we have just returned from another cruise, I am always praying and still seeing that His direction for me has just been to "wait".

*Psalm 27:14 "Wait on the Lord; Be of good courage, And He shall strengthen your heart; Wait, I say, on the Lord!"

*Romans 8:28 "And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose."

I don't think all that is thought to be negative, is! This morning during the hustle and bustle of disembarkation from our cruise ship I was in some unexpected pain along with an unusual "fog-like" feeling. I can be a "dufus" (our term) when on pain pills so I refrained from taking them when going through the port of Miami. I, of course, lashed out at God wondering why He was letting me feel like this when in such a mess of people and a very uncomfortable situation. I am now several hours passed all of that & thanking God that He got me through it all with no problems AND due to that "fog-like" state I know that all of that mess at the port I will not even remember in a few days! God got me through a very unpleasant situation fully unscathed, yet I was looking to the very moment instead of just trusting God, despite this negative feeling, He was using it for my good.

*Proverbs 3:5,6 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your heart."

He is still working on me, teaching me, and will be until the day that I join Him in heaven.

Even though I think I have shared this song twice before (at least) it comes to mind to share it again:

Thursday, July 7, 2016

I’VE GOTTA GIVE A TESTIMONY – PLUS PRAYER AGREEMENT PLEASE!

For a few weeks now, I have started having pains in the main top joint of my thumbs. It actually started with the right hand first. Making me have trouble with doing most movement, lifting, turning, etc.

I have done much work in my life, from transcription (Radiological), to other kinds of typing, to unloading semis, working in freezers, and well, you name it! I've been told that I have arthritis all over, back, shoulders, wrists, feet, and on and on. June, 2012 I went off of all wheat according to the Wheat Belly Diet. Within a few months 17 years of chronic back pain (10-hour spine surgery in 1995 with metal put in) was a good 90% gone and it continued until I have to have an x-Ray to even know there is metal in there. I am now not perfect with this diet (to be honest) but I do go for days without any wheat at all due to trial and error and still moving forward. I have had numerous accidents, bone breaks, surgeries, and on and on BUT I can take little medication for pain. Well, I have one mild one that I can take once in a great while (1, 30 pill prescription has lasted me as long as 1 1/2 years). Otherwise I only take ibuprophen. This could turn into a long, long story so I will skip onto more recently...

...recently I am able to get up on a slow moving morning, get my breakfast in me and then take my meds. Making it take me an hour or two to get any ibuprophen in my system. BUT, when I've had to get up and run, the pain has been so bad in my thumbs that you would not want to be around me. I can't take meds on an empty stomach at all and due to other deficits from the disability it takes me nearly 2 hours to get ready to just go to church. Sunday morning and then yesterday I had to be up for an appointment. Yesterday I talked to the Lord the entire time when I was getting ready. It hurt so bad that I didn't know what to do, call the doctor? I mean, to bend my thumbs at that joint felt closer to breaking them than them being useful. As the day went on the pain did get more tolerable yet this was with the ibuprophen.

Today? I got out of bed and did not even notice for the first few minutes that I had not noticed if the pain was there or not and when I did, I'd had no ibuprophen yet. There was little pain left and still is. Praise the Lord! Now I am believing yet praying about how to proceed? I am a writer (yet I take it in stride, normally writing, thinking, praying, researching, searching scriptures, etc. So it is quite different than the Radiological Transcription that I was trained for prior to becoming disabled in January, 2001). Please agree with me in prayer for His wisdom regarding how to proceed with this. Thanks and God bless you all!

Wednesday, May 25, 2016

MY TESTIMONY - UPDATE for 5/2/16 PRESENTATION to CELEBRATE RECOVERY

Hello. I'm sorry! Somehow it did not cross my mind that I had not posted here
in so very long until I looked at this blog yesterday and noticed the date. Please forgive me!

We are off on our second cruise soon and I have been packing for it and slowly finishing up the unpacking and some planting as I am working on situating the terraces. I do not yet have my computer fully set up or my studio. It's been a long haul this time but I believe we are much happier and comfortable for it. It has been quite freeing! I hope to find a few photos to share! I will try to keep up with things a bit better as time goes on.

And on with my testimony:

Dear Heavenly Papa,

We come here tonight to meet with You, all in one accord. Father, open all of our hearts to understand the love that you have for us. Love on us all Lord to the point that we will never, ever want to turn back! Let Your words through me reflect that love to bring healing and wash away their pain. Only You can heal, Lord. Let me be Your vessel. Bring us all to a closer, life sustaining knowledge of You! If there is anyone here who has not yet come to the knowledge of your saving grace, speak to their hearts, Lord! In Jesus’ most powerful and precious name, Amen

I am Juliana, a grateful believer in Jesus Christ. At this time, I have victory over drugs, cigarettes, depression, co-dependency, and on down through the layers. I entered into this past 27+ years having had victory over drugs with even more chains to follow.

God has let me “Be still, and know that He is God!” several times over. Some may see most of my previous years as negative yet I’ve come to see the ones after I finally let Him have me as gifts that brought about tremendous changes, helping many of those chains to just fall off.

Although set free for 27+ years now I did not find Celebrate Recovery until 2013 which did much more than just accelerate my growth. I found a group of believers searching themselves and seeking to know God more right along with me. I began listening to each and every member along with boxes of family photos that has helped to spark many long, lost memories and I am truly grateful for all of them.

2015 was my first year depression-free (Hallelujah!) since I was a young child. So you all probably know that when I again share that I’ve had a history of a 16-month prison stint, 4 car totals, 5 suicide attempts, years of many abuses along with seeing much more than any one person should ever have to see within dysfunctional friends, family, and loved ones around me, I’m supposing that you can pretty much fill in most of the blanks yourselves!

No father was listed on my original birth certificate. I was adopted at 18 days old into a family with 2 brothers who were 11 and 15 years older than me. We lived in Ohio. I was raised in the church. My parents were involved in the healing ministry back in the early 60’s. I now have come to believe that Satan attacked my whole family in the later 60’s with my oldest brother having a nervous breakdown in 1969 and my dad starting to drink in 1970 when I was 10 and that is where my story begins.

Did no one want to be my dad? I recently came to realize that in my childish psyche I thought I would gain my dad’s acceptance by drinking also, so I started drinking when I was 10. It wasn’t long after that the “party” started; marijuana by 11, cigarettes by 14, LSD by 15 and many other drugs, numerous kinds of abuse, and the rest, etc… Yet in the midst of all of this I was still made to go to church every Sunday and ended up being saved at 13. Yet no one ever showed me where to go from there and by the age of 28, in 1988 I was arrested for selling LSD. After being saved for 15 years, not knowing where to go, I finally fell! My “partner in crime’s” mother read the Bible to me over the phone one morning when I was so distraught that I could not continue and it was just a few days before I was watching church on a Sunday morning and I felt His presence in my entire apartment. I let Him have me that day. In less than 6 months I was sentenced to 16 months in prison. By this time, it no longer felt like a harsh treatment but an escape from 18 long years of feeling as if I lived most of my days in hell. I finally yearned to know more about Jesus and I knew that I had plenty of time to do it.

I started with reading the New Testament as I adjusted to prison life and wondering what I still had ahead of me. As I sat on my tiny bed one of those first days, I heard in a loud “audible” voice “You are a blessing to Me, My child.” I had no doubt that it was God. I cried! I cried for a couple of days. I was a blessing to Him? I felt like Scum and yet I was a blessing to Him?

The first major thing that I learned after entering prison was that God was my Father; my TRUE Father. And He made a truly heart-felt covenant of His peace with me:

John 14:27 “Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.” This became my favorite verse to this day because I had not known peace until I found Him.

And, He showed me that my dad was just a man and only Jesus is perfect. Through those 16 months of near weekly visitations, God healed my relationship with my Dad. We went from being near enemies for 18 long years to being like “AA buddies”. I don’t remember more than 1 tiny argument between then and 2001 when my “Daddy” went home to be with the Lord.

I went on to learning so many things that I would be thankful for many times over. Through these many experiences and my own fear of being alone, the Holy Spirit became my closest companion and still is to this day. After my surrender to Him, He started peeling off the layers. Before I ever went to AA, OA, or even Celebrate Recovery I was being led through the steps. I shared with my partner in crime by letter. We confessed so many things to one another, praying for each other and sharing in all that God taught us. (Curiously today he is a Celebrate Recovery leader in New Mexico)

James 5:16a “Confess your sins to each other and pray for each
other so that you may be healed.”

I was married in 1990 just 9 months after my release from prison and we celebrated our 25th Wedding Anniversary in 2015. I spent almost the whole of the 90’s working in a hospital, we got custody of my step-son in 1999 when he was 13, and I was looking to go back to school to become a Paramedic when I became ill.

I spent 2001-2003 in bed with a rare illness that started with a stroke at just 40 years old. I had 7 type-written pages of symptoms and side effects from the illness and numerous medications. I relearned how to brush my teeth and I had an IQ similarly to that of Forrest Gump. Yet I learned to know Him. He didn’t let me die, He let me live. He kept me alive through what was known to be a terminal disease at that time and still is. I changed once again. It so seems as though I have been washed and renewed several times over. I let Him use me! I became His clay to mold. Still fully infatuated by my God who called me His blessing.

Now, with such an extensive history I have prayed numerous times about the best way to share all of this yet the words never came. Of course, I haven’t wanted this to be all about me, but more about His ALL SUFFICIENT GRACE. August of 2015, was the first time that I mentioned about wanting to give my testimony at Celebrate Recovery and through a worship song in the meeting, Good, Good Father it all started coming to me.

This next writing turned out to be a bit different. Through all of His sculpting I turned out to be an artist and published author (please see the things that I brought to share). I do my art and writing by the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, so one late night when I had no clue how to get my writing time in, I prayed for the Holy Spirit to wake me up with His words if I was to write. And so, there I sat at my computer at 2am when these words came to mind:

We hear that alcoholism is a disease but what about the rest of it? All the rest that Celebrate Recovery involves are the same, “diseases”, diseases of the heart! Could we ever think that we are fully cured? Not until we are in Heaven with Him! Yet He makes us able to withstand this world and all its mess through which we must rise above to be givers instead of takers, lovers instead of haters, fighters on our knees not with our fists. New creations in Christ (2 Corinthians 5:17 “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.”):

Poem Title: Good Bye Old Self - 2 Corinthians 5:17

We depart in peace
Knowing God is with us
Feeling His Presence
Every step of the way
Knowing that it is
By His grace
We are free
…..written by me from prison in 1989.

By His grace we are free! By His goodness we have been won to repentance! Not by condemnation as so many have seemed to think.

Romans 2:4 “Or do you despise the riches of His goodness, forbearance, and longsuffering, not knowing that the goodness of God leads you to repentance?”

I was so buried within the lies of Satan, who dragged me through the mud that I thought I was worthless and people, even those claiming to love me, pushed me down even further. Yet through a man named Rick Warren, God shed His mercy upon us, the sinners that He came to save through His Son, Jesus Christ. So that we may not end up locked away, wallowing in our own dung. Jesus is here to become our King. Only by learning to seek Him in the midst of my pain have I learned that His grace is what I cling to. I seek Him to remain alive. His miracles have abound. I have had much healing. And I have become thankful in the midst.

1 Thessalonians 5:18 “in everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.”

I have seen numerous hardships through infirmities, yet I came through them more like a shiny new penny, the TRUE me within my heart. Rising above them all, only by Him! He has been my hiding place. And as I see so many others who have denied Him that still yearn for happiness, I have found joy in surrendering my heart to Him.

In these 12+ years since I got out of bed I’ve learned to find myself more than ever before. Through my own devices I, once again, was running ahead of God, then stopped in my tracks to learn to “Be still and know”. I spent numerous hours, days, and years alone with Him, learning to know more of who He is. And once again, I was found.

Since 2015 I have come out from the shadows of healing and learning, once again. I have had numerous healings in this past 14 years; Too many to count. Even though I did not come out unscathed and have some notable deficits. My previous pastor gave a sermon one Sunday.

2 Corinthians 12:9 “And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.”

Later that day I wrote to my pastor and told him: “Great sermon today! My life! I woke up hurting and grumbling this morning but I was worshipping and praying on the way to church as I just persevered and believed! I felt like I could fly when I got there!”

April 27, 2016 Update:

Upon scheduling this date tonight, I believed that I needed to give
some kind of update. At that time I saw myself getting closer to being out and experiencing life a bit more. I hadn’t known exactly what to write so I’d been praying. So much has happened since then. God has shown even more unexpected goodness than I’d ever imagined and I knew that others needed to know.

Then my husband and I sat talking just a few days ago as we were looking at some photos of our next cruise ship we have booked in June and I just started crying. I tried to talk but I was too overwhelmed for words. And I knew that I was going to have to share my thoughts at that moment. I had just one cruise on my bucket list for nearly my entire life and here I was looking at our 2nd coming up already in just days. I hadn’t even gotten over the shock and awe from the blessings He had given us since the last cruise. It is all just too long to share about yet I will tell you that my husband ended up winning a trip to the Bahamas over Christmas last year.

Me on Christmas Day - Atlantis in Nassau, Bahamas

We flew out just 10 days after coming home from the cruise that we’d booked to celebrate our 25th wedding anniversary. We were swimming with the dolphins on Christmas Day. It was not hard to see that only God could have been in all of this.

After that was the whole orchestration of our move north to Pinellas Park. We’ve moved into a city where I know no one. God is telling me that I’m getting a do over. The past is finally behind me. I’ve thrown out or given away numerous trunk loads. I no longer need so much from my past seemingly sentimental life. Why did I want to keep the things of so many past memories? And no one even knows me in this city. I am able to be who God wants me to be without Satan having so much fuel to remind me of my past. I’m free and open to learning more new things and onward into a new season with Him.

Philippians 3:13-14 “Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.”

James 4:8a “Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. “

Ultimately that is what the 12 steps and 8 principles are about, Drawing closer to Him. By drawing closer to Him, He draws closer to us and we have this all knowing, all-encompassing creator of the universe as our King AND best friend!

Truly the best comment I have received in my very short history of speaking. I just had to share...thankfully she gave me her permission.

"Juliana, rarely do we get to hear from someone who has such intimacy with Jesus. You are such an encouragement to not only those in recovery but to all whose path you cross! Keep sharing when God opens a door, and I have a feeling there will be many doors!" Carol Lewis - CR Leader, Bayside West Bradenton, Florida

(AND HERE I AM IN TEARS AGAIN WHILE TRYING TO GET THIS POSTED. I want to make sure that you know that I would never consider God as a vending machine. My husband and I never specifically asked for any of this or for any blessings for that matter! He just gives to us as a Father who loves His children.)

A few more photos:

Monday, April 11, 2016

PRAYER REQUEST AND MOVING UPDATE

I have had some kind of rambling thoughts that I started to share but then sent to myself to write a bit later. I am wanting to write but not finding the time. I will return soon, but for now…

We are just about 3 weeks into unpacking from our move north to Pinellas Park, FL. I'm always asking for prayers! Well, I guess it is much better than asking for curses, huh? This whole moving and unpacking process feels never ending at this point. We were led to this place back in January! I started going through my art supplies, giving most away even a year before that, knowing that if I was giving away my art supplies that it could only be God's will since I could've had a warehouse full and still wanted more! He is my all powerful, all knowing Papa! We know that He is taking us on into a new season, on a new journey! I feel as though I'm stuck in this unpacking step! Lord, I need Your wisdom! What must I do, what must I learn? Lord, I am asking according to:

* James 1:5-6; “If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him. But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for he who doubts is like a wave of the sea driven and tossed by the wind.”
In Jesus' precious & holy name, AMEN. Can I please get some agreement?

I do believe that God has given me a do over life!

Philippians 3:13-14 Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.

It is now time to put the past behind me. We left our hometown and we are moving to a town where no one we know lives. I can be who I want to be. I can be who He wants me to be. No one here knows who I used to be. I can reinvent myself or let Him reinvent me and Satan has no fuel! Satan can use our pasts to try and pull us from where He wants us to be if we let him. Now, He is giving me help. He has taken away Satan’s fuel by moving us away. Not only have I become a new creature but I have also been given more help than ever before. Hallelujah!

I pray to keep my eyes on Him so that I don’t get lost and I know where to go!

I wanted to share a new song but this is all that would come to mind! I love the words more than the music so I'd love to share them so that you might get them into your heart!

Thursday, March 10, 2016

PLEASE PARDON MY BREAK- MOVING

JUST A NOTE TO LET YOU ALL KNOW THAT I AM NOW IN THE PROCESS OF PACKING AND MOVING. I WILL BE BACK WITH MORE OF AN EXPLANATION LATER THIS MONTH ONCE WE ARE A BIT SETTLED. I WILL SHARE THAT THIS IS A GOOD THING AS WE MOVE FORWARD IN HIS STEPS!

Sunday, February 7, 2016

If I’d Made a Different Decision?

I recently went to a Writer’s Workshop. This workshop was at Christian Retreat where I live. They did an exercise on opening night in the last 15 minutes that I thought was rather interesting. We had to write about a decision that we’d made and how things might be different had we made a different decision. Mine wasn’t picked as one of the best or maybe they thought it was too personal (as they shared some were) but I liked what I wrote anyway and thought I would share it with you.

“If I hadn’t sold the LSD that got me arrested? God would have had to teach me so many lessons in so many different ways than He taught me through that decision. It would have taken me so much longer to open up to Him, to fall, to let Him have me, to realize He was waiting, reaching into the pit with his outstretched hand. Then I would not have sat and listened to Him, fallen in love with Him and yearned to show others the way out of the pit and into His arms.”

Friday, January 15, 2016

A long time coming testimony - Given for Celebrate Recovery 1/14/2016

There will not be a whole lot of comments from me with this due to me just being in shock and awe at the reaction that I was given when I (feeling like a major klutz) gave this at http://mybayside.church/meet-pastor-david-murphy/ where the Celebrate Recovery is held that I attend. I will add some additional comments and links at the end of this. At some time this is supposed to be put on the internet. I will add the link if I ever do find it.

Dear Heavenly Papa,

We come here tonight to meet with You, all in one accord. I pray that the testimony that I am about to share speaks to our mutual love for one another and of the grace that you have shown us. Father, open all of our hearts to understand the love that you have for us. Love on us all Lord to the point that we will never, ever want to turn back! Bring us all to a closer, more sustainable knowledge of You! Until the day that You take us to our home, our true home to live with You forever and ever! In Jesus’ most powerful name, Amen

I am Juliana, a grateful believer in Jesus Christ. At this time I have victory over drugs, cigarettes, depression, co-dependency and on down through the layers. I entered into this past 27+ years having had victory over alcohol and drugs with even more chains to follow. God has let me “Be still, and know that He is God!” several times over. Some may see most of my past years as negative but I’ve come to see the ones after I finally let Him have me as gifts that brought about tremendous changes, helping many of those chains to just fall off.

Although sober for 27+ years now I did not find Celebrate Recovery until 2013 which did much more than just accelerate my growth. I found a group of believers searching themselves and seeking to know God more right along with me. I began listening to each and every member along with boxes of family photos that has helped to spark many long, lost memories and I am truly grateful for all of them.

2015 was my first year depression-free (Hallelujah!) since I was a young child. So you all probably know that when I again share that I’ve had a history of a 16 month prison stint, 4 car totals, 5 suicide attempts, years of many abuses along with seeing much more than any one person should ever have to see within dysfunctional friends, family, and loved ones around me, I’m supposing that you can pretty much fill in most of the blanks yourselves!

No father was listed on my original birth certificate. I was adopted at 18 days old into a family with 2 brothers who were 11 and 15 years older than me. We lived in Ohio. I was raised in the church. My parents were involved in the healing ministry back in the early 60’s. I now have come to believe that Satan attacked my whole family in the later 60’s with my oldest brother having a nervous breakdown in 1969 and my dad starting to drink in 1970 when I was 10- and that is where my story begins.

Did no one want to be my dad? I recently came to realize that in my childish psyche I thought I would gain my dad’s acceptance by drinking also, so I started drinking when I was 10. It wasn’t long after that the “party” started; marijuana by 11, cigarettes by 14, LSD by 15 and many other drugs, many numerous kinds of abuse, and the rest, etc… Yet in the midst of all of this I was still made to go to church every Sunday and ended up being saved at 13.

Then in 1988 I was arrested for selling LSD. This, after being saved for 15 years but running around not knowing where to go, I finally fell! My “partner in crime’s” mother read the Bible to me over the phone one morning when I was so distraught that I could not continue and it was just a few days before I was watching church on a Sunday morning and I felt His presence in my entire apartment. (I admitted that I was powerless and that my life had become unmanageable – (Step 1) – I was powerless) I let Him have me that day. In less than 6 months I was sentenced to 16 months in prison. By this time it no longer felt like a harsh treatment but an escape from 18 long years of feeling as if I lived most of my days in hell. I finally yearned to know more about Jesus and I knew that I had plenty of time to do it. (I knew that a higher power (only Jesus) could restore me to sanity. (Step 2.) I started with reading the New Testament as I adjusted to prison life and then wondered what I still had ahead of me. As I sat on my tiny bed one of those first days, I heard in a loud “audible” voice “You are a blessing to Me, My child.” I had no doubt that it was God. I cried! I cried for a couple of days. I was a blessing to Him? I felt like Scum and yet I was a blessing to Him? The first major thing that I learned after entering prison was that God was my Father; my TRUE Father.

And He made a truly heart-felt covenant of His peace with me:

*John 14:27 “Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.”

This became my favorite verse to this day because I had not known peace until I found Him.

And, He showed me that my dad was just a man and only Jesus is perfect. Through those 16 months of near weekly visitations, God healed my relationship with my Dad. (amends? Step 9). We went from being near enemies for 18 long years to being like “AA buddies”. I don’t remember more than 1 tiny argument between then and 2001 when my “Daddy” went home to be with the Lord.

I went on to learning so many things that I would be thankful for many times over. Through these many experiences and my own fear of being alone, the Holy Spirit became my closest companion and still is to this day. After my surrender to Him, He started peeling off the layers. Before I ever went to AA, OA, or even Celebrate Recovery I was being led through the steps. I shared with my partner in crime by letter. We confessed so many things to one another, praying for each other and sharing in all that God taught us. (more amends. Step 9 (Curiously today he is a Celebrate Recovery leader in New Mexico)

*James 5:16a “Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other
so that you may be healed.”

I was married in 1990 and we celebrated our 25th Wedding Anniversary in 2015. I spent almost the whole of the 90’s working in a hospital, we got custody of my step-son in 1999 when he was 13, and I was looking to go back to school to become a Paramedic when I became ill.

I spent 2001-2003 in bed with a rare illness that started with a stroke at just 40 years old. I had 7 type-written pages of symptoms and side effects from the illness and numerous medications. I relearned how to brush my teeth and I had an IQ similarly to that of Forrest Gump. Yet I learned to know Him. He didn’t let me die, He let me live. He kept me alive through what was known to be a terminal disease at that time and still is. I changed once again. It so seems as though I have been washed and renewed several times over. I let Him use me! I became His clay to mold. Still fully infatuated by my God who called me His blessing.

Now, with such an extensive history I have prayed numerous times about the best way to share all of this yet the words never came. Of course, I haven’t wanted this to be all about me, but more about His ALL SUFFICIENT GRACE. August of 2015, was the first time that I mentioned about wanting to give my testimony here and through a worship song Good, Good Father it all started coming to me. (Step 12 having had a spiritual awakening- carrying the message to others).

This next writing turned out to be a bit different. Through all of His sculpting I turned out to be an artist and published author (please see the things that I brought to share). I do my art and writing by the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, so one night recently, when I had no clue how to get my writing time in for this testimony since it was already after midnight, I prayed for the Holy Spirit to wake me up with His words if I was to write. And so, there I sat at my computer at 2am when these words came to mind:

We hear that alcoholism is a disease but what about the rest of it? All the rest that Celebrate Recovery involves are the same, “diseases”, diseases of the heart! Could we ever think that we are fully cured? Not until we are in Heaven with Him! Yet He makes us able to withstand this world and all its mess through which we must rise to be givers instead of takers, lovers instead of haters, fighters on our knees not with our fists. New creations in Christ (2 Corinthians 5:17 “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.”):

Good Bye Old Self - 2 Corinthians 5:17

We depart in peace

Knowing God is with us

Feeling His Presence

Every step of the way

Knowing that it is

By His grace

We are free

…..written by me from prison in 1989.

By His grace we are free! By His goodness we have been won to repentance! Not by condemnation as so many have seemed to think.

Romans 2:4 “Or do you despise the riches of His goodness, forbearance, and longsuffering, not knowing that the goodness of God leads you to repentance?”

I was so buried within the lies of Satan who dragged me through the mud that I thought I was worthless and people, even those claiming to love me, pushed me down even further. Yet through a man named Rick Warren, God shed His mercy upon us, the sinners that He came to save through His Son, Jesus Christ. So that we may not end up locked away, wallowing in our own dung. Jesus is here to become our King.

Only by learning to seek Him in the midst of my pain have I learned that His grace is what I cling to. I seek Him to remain alive. His miracles have abound. I have had much healing. And I have become thankful in the midst.
1 Thessalonians 5:18 “in everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.”

I have seen numerous hardships through infirmities, yet I came through them more like a shiny new penny, the TRUE me within my heart. Rising above them all, only by Him! He has been my hiding place. And as I see so many others who have denied Him that still yearn for happiness, I have found joy in surrendering my heart to Him.

In these 12 years since I got out of bed I’ve learned to find myself more than ever before. Through my own devices I, once again, was running ahead of God, then stopped in my tracks to learn to “Be still and know”. I spent numerous hours, days, and weeks alone with Him, learning to know more of who He is. And once again I was found.

Since 2015 I have come out from the shadows of healing and learning, once again. I have had numerous healings in this past 15 years; Too many to count. Even though I did not come out unscathed and have some notable deficits. My pastor gave a sermon one very recent Sunday.

2 Corinthians 12:9 “And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.”

Later that day I wrote to my pastor and told him: “Great sermon today! My life! I woke up hurting and grumbling this morning but I was worshipping and praying on the way to church as I just persevered and believed! I felt like I could fly when I got there!”

http://www.celebraterecovery.com/

The ONLY comments I seem to stay firm on are:

And, another worship song inspired by last night: