Fearless for Him - 2007 + Update 2013

I came in from working outside and this song that I love was playing on my computer: 

MISSING PAGES
by Seventh Day Slumber

On the outside all we see is clay
That hides the perfect light
But no one really knows the pain inside

I understand how much it hurts
To be the one who’s never seen
The missing pages in a magazine

No one knows you anymore
You’re lost inside the walls you’ve built
No one knows you anymore
A prison deep within your soul
There is One who sees it all
He’ll give you life you’ve never dreamed
He can see the pain underneath your skin

It’s hard to see you fading
Nothing that I do can bring you back
I pray to God that you don’t fade away

Your addiction is a symptom of a lost and dying soul
Without Jesus there’s no hope at all

No one knows you anymore
You’re lost inside the walls you’ve built
No one knows you anymore
A prison deep within your soul
There is One who sees it all
He’ll give you life you’ve never dreamed
He can see the pain underneath your skin

There’s so much more this is not the end
It’s all in your hands don’t throw it away
A beautiful life with so much to give
The image of God underneath your skin
The beauty of God underneath your skin (3x)

These lyrics a remind me of me before I’d rededicated my life to the Lord in 1988.

I sent this e-mail to my husband about a month ago:

“I had an interesting conversation with God today while out driving in my car.
He said: "Go where I tell you and I will give you anything you want."
I said: "And, I only want that which lines up with Your word." (This happened while I was driving over the Manatee River! I, literally, saw a vision of Jesus' face in the water a month or so ago!)
Then I said: "Protect me I will lead them to You".
And, it was just as if I'd written out a paper contract and signed it! Things are going to happen in our life. Just expect and you'll be awed by His miracles!”

I was talking to God, not my husband. I, too, believe that my husband is my helpmate to help me live life and to help protect me from some things but this IS my calling. But, if my husband is always trying to protect me by stopping me from doing things, how will I do what God wants me to.

When I was healed, my husband told me that he was worried that I’d be one of those wives that spouts off about how God told them to do this or that so they run off and leave their husbands behind. I told him that I did not and would not become that kind of wife. So, I guess he will have to either learn to let go and let God or join me.

God showed me that my witness is to the world’s throw-a-ways. How can that be, if I can’t go? I’m not afraid, strangely. I’m more afraid of them dying and not knowing Jesus, honestly! Lately, that is when all the tears come! Not in just missing my friends, but remembering the suicides, the deaths, and remembering looking into all those eyes and seeing the pain inside -- THAT I remember clearly! I know Jesus is their ONLY way out! My oldest brother, (minister), had a word from God for me just before my healing. He said that God told him that I was a signpost pointing the way to Him! I want to be able to be that sign post!

Last night I sent out a bunch of prayer requests:

“Too long of a story. I'm going through some major spiritual warfare right now. Please keep me and my family in your prayers!”

and right when I sat down to write today, I saw a reply from CBN, that said:

“As born-again believers, God has given us authority over the power of the enemy through Jesus Christ (Luke 10:18-19). Many people, however, fail to receive their victory because they do not understand who the enemy is, nor do they use the authority God has given them in Jesus to overcome their situation.

The Apostle Paul clearly identified the enemy in Ephesians 6:12, "For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against authorities, against the powers of this dark world, and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms." The good news is that Jesus has "given you authority to trample on snakes and scorpions and to overcome all the power of the enemy; nothing will harm you" (Luke 10:19).

Before ascending into heaven, Jesus instructed the disciples that they were to "wait for the gift my Father promised," explaining that in a few days they would be "baptized with the Holy Spirit" (Acts 1:4-8). He went on to tell them they would "receive power" when the Holy Spirit came upon them. If you are not baptized in the Holy Spirit, confess Jesus as your Lord and Savior, surrendering to Him completely. In faith, ask Him to baptize you in the Holy Spirit, receiving His power as promised in Acts 1:8.

Christians are to walk by faith, not by sight (II Corinthians 5:7). Do not confess the problem, or the enemy's power. Confess that Jesus Christ is greater than anything that is in the world; confess His power. Jesus promised He would never fail us, nor forsake us, but that He would be with us always, even to the end of the age. Praise God and thank Him for your victory in Christ Jesus.”

Yesterday, my mom’s caregiver told me that she’d be scared to go around anyone that is involved with anything from her past. That got me thinking, why am I not scared?

Funny thing, I went to save this and this song started playing on the stereo that I’ve always loved and I’ve sang to the Lord many times over, and I surely fits:

Fearless
By Building 429

No I don’t understand
And I can’t comprehend
This power that draws me to you
But I know for the cross
I’ll consider it all lost
In an effort to tell of the truth

That the world may know
That the world may know
You have been heaven sent to us

(Chorus)
I’ll be fearless for You
I’ll be fearless for You
Take me I’m Yours
I’ll be fearless for You

All the times that I’ve failed
When my doubt has prevailed
These are the moments I’m giving to you
Cause I can’t be ashamed
No I can’t fear the pain
When it comes time to be living proof

So the world may see
That the captives are free
‘Cause you have been heaven sent to us

(Chorus)

Unwilling to bend
Unwilling to break
And Headstrong I’ll stand
No matter what it takes

(Chorus)

--- Update: As I’m proofreading this blog post I realize that I need to add a note. This is now 2013 and although I am in recovery from illness my life with God is moving forward. I think back to volunteering to facilitate parenting in jail for 1+ years a few years back, and being fascinated that I never did care to know what any one of those women did to be arrested and put in there. Then even more recently I volunteered at The 99 (an outreach to teens & young adults) and once again I cared nothing of their past, only hoping for their futures.

When God put His love in my heart and showed me to use that love to reach others my heart changed. I learned to look at those people with His love!  His unconditional love!

*1 Corinthians 13: 1-8a
"Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I have become sounding brass or a clanging cymbal. And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, but have not love, it profits me nothing. 

Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth;7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Love never fails."

May God bless you through my writing. If He has especially touched you in any way, please leave a comment below. Your comments are so very encouraging to me to help me to keep writing. Also, click on the “Uptweet” button on the above right and share! I pray you will keep coming back. I fully believe that my writing is by the inspiration of the Holy Spirit so if I am writing, there is someone that needs to read it! Maybe it’s you? Also, please be sure to share any questions you might have with me and if you would like to keep them personal (just between you and me) please don’t hesitate to e-mail me at juliana.pace@gmail.com. If I don’t know how to answer you, I will may every attempt to refer you to someone for more information. Thanks and may God bless all your days!

My First Day Writing A Blog - 2009

So, this is the first time I'm attempting to write a blog and I truly do not have a clue as to what I'm doing but I guess one of the best things is that I'm attempting something new. I also know that I am not alone and I believe that God is right here inspiring me to do this and with Him all things are possible and *Phil. 4:13 "I CAN DO ALL THINGS through Christ who strengthens me!" So, here goes!

I entitled this blog "Something by Juliana" because I am a mixed-media artist so you just never will know what I might come up with. I value myself as being a uniquely designed child of God and I seem to not be satisfied with the "norm", always having to be uniquely me, who He created! So, I will have writing (all kinds to also include poetry), photos, other devotionals, quotes and whatever else might come to mind in the midst of blogging!

I decided in the past to share my writing in accordance with God's inspiration. I truly, without doubt, love our dear sweet Jesus and I wanted to make it known to all! He speaks to me and guides me through my life. I want to honestly share how He does this. I want to share my life on a regular basis with those of you who want to read. I have, in the past, written some devotionals or shared others devotionals, including how God spoke to me when I read them and so on and so forth. I hope to continue to share this with people who chose to read this, too.

Recently God has been impressing upon me, His love for me in many different ways. A friend shared with several of my women friends and I a song that I ran home and found on video yesterday. I've listened to it numerous times even purchasing the album. I believe that through her sharing of this that God has spoken to me, once again, that I am to *Matt. 6:33 "But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.", that He is in control and that I am to learn to rest in Him and His love, first and foremost! I hope that this song blesses you as much as it has blessed me:


 I want to share another excerpt from the book "Jesus Calling" by Sarah Young. Through this book, God speaks to me over and over again; much of the time, by impressing upon me things that I know over and over again to make an exclamation of importance upon my brain. "Seek My Face, and you will find all that you have longed for. The deepest yearnings of your heart are for intimacy with Me. I know, because I designed you to desire Me. Do not feel guilty about taking time to be still in My Presence. You are simply responding to the tugs of divinity within you. I made you in My image, and I hid heaven in your heart. Your yearning for Me is a form of homesickness: longing for your true home in heaven.

Do not be afraid to be different from other people. The path I have called you to travel is exquisitely right for you. The more closely you follow My leading, the more fully I can develop your gifts. To follow Me wholeheartedly, you must relinquish your desire to please other people. However, your closeness to Me will bless others by enabling you to shine brightly in this dark world."

I Am Here Only Because He Lives - 2009

I thought I would write about my thoughts while driving the other morning. I was listening to the Hiding Place CD while driving and the tears started flowing. My mind went back to that time in 1988 when I rededicated my life to the Lord. How much of His strength I needed in order to just make it through to tomorrow. I contemplated the fact that I wanted to check out of this life but I'd attempted suicide 4 times before and felt as though I couldn't even do that right, so I was going to have myself committed. I could no longer deal with this world! God heard my cries and saved me out of it all. Friends showed up to meet me (who had no idea what I was going to do) and kept me from doing it.  And, I knew it wasn't what God wanted!

Finding God's Strength - 2009

This morning I read a devotional about strength, mostly God's strength VS human strength and I had a revelation. It had a quote in it from Margaret Thatcher: "Being powerful is like being a lady. If you have to tell people you are, you aren't." And, my thoughts went back to a time a couple of months ago when a friend shared with me that she thought I was one of the strong ones, but I no longer saw this in myself. Before I got sick in 2001, my husband and son used to tease that if I got mugged, they felt sorry for the mugger.  I rather agreed with it. But, when I got sick I felt that I lost that somehow. But, just now I realized that anymore it's not I who I see as strong - it's God in me. And, this devotional goes on to say "***You can have a quiet strength that comes from knowing who you are in God." And, I realized that is how I've changed.  Praise Him from whom all blessings flow! I'd much rather rely on His strength than in mine!

***From the Checklist for Life for Women (no author listed).

God's Comfort Through Prayer - 2009

Last night several of us were called to prayer. Our pastor's granddaughter had had an accident, was rushed to a specialist and then to surgery. I believe she is 6 or 7 years old. What a privilege it is for that little girl to have so many people praying for her, petitioning the Father for her comfort, care, and healing.

My mind goes back to when I was 8 years old. I was admitted to the hospital for testing with the doctor's concern that I might lose a kidney. At 49 years old, I still find comfort in remembering all the prayers that were said for me. I still many times over, am comforted in the fact that God healed my kidneys through those prayers and I haven't had a kidney infection since. I find comfort in the fact that at that early age, I learned more about the power of God through prayer and what an awesome generous, healing, and loving Father we have.

I pray that this little girl, who is laying in a hospital bed today, will be strengthened within through God's mercy in her speedy recovery and in knowing how much love was poured upon her through the prayers of her extended church family and a loving heavenly Father!

This is just an amazing song share in video that has blessed me and I hope it also blesses you!

He Knows My Life - 2009

This morning I awoke to a new week. My husband's hours were changed drastically after his week off with Cellulitis in his leg and a 2.5 day hospitalization. He was working 4 X 10 hour days with a 3 day weekend each week and had been on this schedule for approximately 2 years. This week his schedule is 11-8, 5 days a week. So, there has to be another adjustment in our life.  Of course one of many!

I sat and collected my thoughts, realizing that the last week had been a blur and I hadn't even had time for my daily devotions.  And I cringed! I'd been so busy with my mom's doctor appointments, my doctor appointments, my husband's doctor appointments and then the regular day to day tasks to keep everyone going that I just hadn't had time. I felt saddened and a wave of guilt swept over me. Then I picked up one of my daily devotional books, "Jesus Calling" by Sarah Young and read

"Find Me in the midst of the maelstrom. Sometimes events whirl around you so quickly that they become a blur. Whisper My Name in recognition that I am still with you. Without skipping a beat in the activities that occupy you, you find strength and Peace through praying My Name (and I did). Later, when the happenings have run their course, you can talk with Me more fully.

Accept each day just as it comes to you. Do not waste your time and energy wishing for a different set of circumstances. Instead, trust Me enough to yield to My design and purposes. Remember that nothing can separate you from My loving Presence; you are Mine. Philippians 2:9-11; Isaiah 43:1".

And, I once again sensed His peace. After more than 20 years of living in near constant communication with my heavenly Papa, He still awes me daily! I hope and pray that it never stops! He knows me so very intimately. I hope and pray that I never cease to praise Him.

How could I not surrender my all to a God who by "wisdom founded the earth; By understanding He established the heavens; By His knowledge the depths were broken up, And clouds drop down the dew." *Proverbs 3:19,20 His ways are so much greater than mine. He sees my every move and guides me through this life.
This is one of my very favorite songs of all time.  It says it just how I feel. I've been praying this song near daily for the past several months or more, sometimes even several times a day. I can't seem to get enough of it. I hope you enjoy it, too!
You Won't Relent
by Misty Edwards

You won't relent
Until You have it all
My heart is Yours

I'll set You as a seal upon my heart
As a seal upon my arm
For there is love that is as strong as death
Jealousy demanding as the grave
And many waters cannot quench this love

Come be the fire inside of me
Come be the flame upon my heart
Come be the fire inside of me
Until You and I are one

He won't relent until He has it all, my heart is His!

Why I Love Heavy Christian Music - Written 2006

I have been anointed by the Holy Spirit in writing, speaking, singing, etc… since my prison stint Dec. 1988 – March 1990.  I have done some writing on the outside by inspiration periodically but it never seemed as strong as in prison, until this morning.   As my walk has drawn me so very much closer to the Lord my writing continues to become more and more inspired by God!

In the past I’ve had the pounding, hard hitting sound of Skillet brought up to me over and over. How people, even Christian people, are scared of their music and just don’t understand. Since I love Skillet’s music, I’ve been thinking time and again about why I love their music, especially when I’m 46 years old. I wondered exactly how I could explain why I love their music. I know that I’m a deeply feeling, passionate person. When I believe in something, I believe with my entire being.  I don’t just do it half way. 

I just explained it to my husband in that if the members of Skillet (or any other Christian, heavy rock band) weren’t getting their energy out in their music, where would they be letting it out? I’ve teased lately that if I wasn’t given over to the Lord, I’d probably be postal (if I was still even alive).

I feel about things so deeply! When I get inspired by the Lord, I have periods when I am so high - intoxicated by the presence of the Holy Spirit that I have trouble walking and surely wouldn’t even attempt to drive. This is from no outside substance abuse and I’ve felt His presence there countless times similarly since I rededicated my life to Him! *PHIL. 4:19 “But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus.” I believe that this doesn’t just pertain to material needs as it says “ALL your need” which is neither big nor small but ALL. I believe that God has given me, through His Holy Spirit, an appropriate intoxication by His Holy Spirit; the ultimate Intoxication. His peace according to *John 14:27 “Peace I leave with you; My peace I give unto you, not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.” .

Example: While in prison, one time that I visited my parents in visiting hall. My mother told me that my dad had been throwing temper tantrums.  As they left I was quite worried and concerned. What could I do? I was in prison. I couldn’t even call them to see how they were. I went back to my cell and laid on my bed to wait for dinner time. I prayed for my parents, giving them totally over to God while praying for some time. When I went downstairs later, two very new Christians saw me entering the room, pointed, and hollered “Look at her; she’s full of God” and I felt like I was only a vessel for the Holy Spirit. This is how He showed me of His intoxicating powers as He was leading me down into the break room.

At 10 years old when I sat in my folks basement stairwell and chugged Gin from the bottle, did I really know what I was doing? No, I was escaping into the booze, instead of into the Holy Spirit.  I was mistaken because I didn’t know how to find Him! God has shown me the right way this time! *John 14:26, 27 “But the Comforter, which is the Holy Ghost, whom the Father will send in my name, he shall teach you all things, and bring all things to your remembrance, whatsoever I have said unto you. Peace I leave with you; My peace I give unto you, not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.” 

Wonderful!

As I get into the other world of Heaven from where I am now from, I get that feeling of wanting to shout of God’s glory from the rooftops, but that might irritate the neighbors and/or even get me arrested, so I listen to myself and dance around as I: *Psalm 150 ”Praise ye the LORD. Praise God in his sanctuary: praise him in the firmament of his power. Praise him for his mighty acts: praise him according to his excellent greatness. Praise him with the sound of the trumpet: praise him with the psaltery and harp. Praise him with the timbrel and dance: praise him with stringed instruments and organs. Praise him upon the loud cymbals: praise him upon the high sounding cymbals. Let every thing that hath breath praise the LORD. Praise ye the LORD.” I let Him know how much I love Him and crave His presence in my life.

We know, He has made us all to be individuals: *Psalm 139:13-18 ”For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand." We don’t all NEED the same thing. Just as I am getting strengthened in mind by figuring out routes in driving and playing solitaire (as confirmed by my Neurologist), someone else may not even care for either of those things, so God will use something else as we know He is an All knowing God and has all He need to help each of us as an individual and:

Comatose
Lyrics: by John Cooper of Skillet (talking to God)

I hate feeling like this
I’m so tired of trying to fight this
I’m asleep and all I dream of
Is waking to you

Tell me that you will listen
Your touch is what I’m missing
And the more I hide I realize I’m slowly losing you

Comatose
I’ll never wake up without an overdose of you

Chorus:
I don’t wanna live
I don’t wanna breathe
‘les I feel you next to me
you take the pain I feel
waking up to you never felt so real
I don’t wanna sleep
I don’t wanna dream
‘cause my dreams don’t comfort me
The way you make me feel
Waking up to you never felt so real

I hate living without you
Dead wrong to ever doubt you
But my demons lay in waiting
Tempting me away

Oh how I adore you
Oh how I thirst for you
Oh how I need you

Bridge:
Breathing life
Waking up My eyes
Open up
Don’t leave me alone

As far as witnessing is concerned: *1 Corinthians 9:19-23 “Though I am free and belong to no man, I make myself a slave to everyone, to win as many as possible. To the Jews I became like a Jew, to win the Jews. To those under the law I became like one under the law (though I myself am not under the law), so as to win those under the law. To those not having the law I became like one not having the law (though I am not free from God's law but am under Christ's law), so as to win those not having the law. To the weak I became weak, to win the weak. I have become all things to all men so that by all possible means I might save some. I do all this for the sake of the gospel, that I may share in its blessings.”
No one that truly knows me would never think that these lyrics aren’t for me?
Better than Drugs
Lyrics: by John Cooper of Skillet

Feel your every heartbeat
Feel you on these empty nights
Calm the ache, stop the shakes
You clear my mind
You’re my escape
From this messed up place
‘Cause you let me forget
You numb my pain

How can I tell you just all that you are
What you do to me

You’re better than drugs
your love is like wine
Feel you comin’ on so fast
Feel you comin’ to get me high
You’re better than drugs
Addicted for life
Feel you comin’ on so fast
Feel you comin’ on to get me high

Feel you when I’m restless
Feel you when I cannot cope
You’re my addiction, my prescription, my antidote
You kill the poison
Ease the suffering
Calm the rage when I’m afraid
To feel again
How can I tell you just all that you are
What you do to me

Feel your every heartbeat
Feel you on these empty nights
You’re the strength of my life

Feel your every heartbeat
Feel you on these empty nights
Feel your every heartbeat
Feel you come to get me high

The Power of Prayer - Two Miraculous Accounts - written 2006 - with update 2014

Way back when I first moved out of the house (1977), I started praying every time I heard a siren. Even though I had strayed away from the Lord for some time, I was still saved when I was 13 years old and I believed in God as far back as I can remember. I had known to pray when I had night mares, when I was ill, etc… My mother was a great prayer warrior and always shared much about it with me and to this day I am thoroughly and utterly grateful to her for this awesome habit. When I got older and wasn’t around my folks home as much, it came to mind that when I heard the sirens, how could I even be sure that it wasn’t one of them or someone else I loved in trouble. So, to this day, I pray whenever I hear sirens.

I started working at St. Rita’s Medical Center in 1992. Due to this past habit and the fact that I was now a rededicated Christian and firm in my beliefs, I had an abundance of praying to do. God showed me the power of prayer in many ways during the nearly 10 years that I worked at St. Rita’s. Two of them I remember so vividly from working in the Emergency Room that I thought I should write them down so that I’m sure to remember them always.

One quieter night while working third shift, a teenage girl came running in screaming that her grandmother was outside in the car and she had died on the way to the hospital. Everyone started running. I took this young girl aside and while trying to comfort her and assure her that her grandmother was well taken care of, I started praying as much as possible in my head. The entire team of doctors and nurses had rushed to the aid of this lady and by the time I had the girl calmed down a bit, her grandmother was alive and resting comfortably. As we walked back to her ER bed, a nurse exclaimed to me that she had started doing CPR as they brought this lady in but she had never seen anyone come back so quickly. I was praying for the Lord’s will to be done so I guessed that grandmother needed to still be alive for a reason. It turned out this granddaughter had psychiatric problems and was living with and being raised by her grandmother. Furthermore, the granddaughter was just a few months from turning 18. I will never forget that night.

Another night while working in ER, some victims of a gang fight were brought in. This was during second shift and I was so terribly busy that I didn’t even think to pray until the parents of one young (teenage) gunshot victim came in the door. The mother was so terribly distraught that her tears went straight to my heart, so I just couldn’t help but pray. As they took this young boy to surgery, they asked me to get a bed for him in ICU (Intensive Care Unit), which I did as a part of my job. Nearly the entire entourage left the ER at that point as the others that had come in at the same time only had small cuts and bruises. When the boy was nearly done in surgery, I was called to have his bed changed to a normal surgical bed; he would not need to be in ICU. And, I watched as he was released a couple of days later.

I’ve remembered both of these incidences to this day any time that I think to pray and wonder if it is the best thing to do at the time. I realized through these experiences, that this is always the best thing to do.

One more thing came to mind as I write this. While later working at the receptionist desk in Radiology, there were outpatients coming in the door, two lines were ringing on the phone, I had a couple of things I had to look up in the computer, a Radiologist was wanting me to get a doctor on the phone for him, the printer was jammed and trying to print, and on top of all of this my co-worker had just gone to dinner. I thought I was just too busy to pray. What then came to mind was to just say “HELP, LORD”. He showed me that in a fraction of a second I could say in my mind that quick, easy prayer that worked as things slowed down and everything was resolved. So, even if it seems there is no time at all, it only takes a fraction of a second to say “HELP LORD” and even a short one is better than no prayer at all because miracles are just waiting to happen!

Update 2014:  While sharing with someone about prayer I had a revelation.  Through this nurse's CPR and my prayers this lady in the 3rd paragraph came back to life.  I was in awe.  I never looked at it like that before!  My jaw dropped!  Thank you, Jesus!

May God bless you through my writing. If He has especially touched you in any way, please leave a comment below. Your comments are so very encouraging to me to help me to keep writing. Also, click on the “Uptweet” button on the above right and share! I pray you will keep coming back. I fully believe that my writing is by the inspiration of the Holy Spirit so if I am writing, there is someone that needs to read it! Maybe it’s you? Also, please be sure to share any questions you might have with me and if you would like to keep them personal (just between you and me) please don’t hesitate to e-mail me at juliana.pace@gmail.com. If I don’t know how to answer you, I will may every attempt to refer you to someone for more information. Thanks and may God bless all your days

He Loves Them All - 2010

The other day I had planned to go out to the beach and write. I awoke early, yet not early enough to get everything together before the time I would need to leave to get out to the gulf before it got too warm. I decided to go down to the Manatee River and write or read instead.

I stopped by a gas station convenience store to look for something to drink. When I went to pay for my items there was a young man at the register with a piercing in his chin (among other things). I, myself, have 9 earring holes in my ears, although mine being there since the middle 80's before I rededicated my life to the Lord.

I got in my car and drove off down the road and the Lord spoke to me. I had noticed that the young man at the convenience store was all smiles from ear to ear. He was extremely personable. And, the Lord told me that the piercings that I have (at 49 years old) helped him to feel OK about his. God told me that He didn't want the young man to feel bad about himself because He loved him. I was in awe once again! That was something that I'd never really thought about! How interesting!

And so I went on with this being brought to my attention to write down for a few days.

He Delivered Me From Depression - Written 2010

Last night, while driving to a class on deliverance.  I was once again listening to “Lost” by Red. Such an awesome song that brings one right into communion with God. All about being lost in Him! And, I started feeling the presence of the Holy Spirit again, much stronger than normal, even to the point of tears. Like I was being lifted from the seat in my car into another dimension. Into the heavenlies. I was still in tears as I reached the church where the class was being held. I felt like I wanted to run in and tell someone, as the Holy Spirit’s presence remained so very strong for a few minutes after I entered the church. But I couldn’t say anything. I was just left with a “knowing” that God’s will was to perform miracles in my life through this class.

During this class, I hardly know how to explain how attentive I am. I’m focused! It’s like a supernatural focus that I’ve not known before. This class is awesome and I know the best is yet to come. If anyone who reads this has a chance to take this class at their church or one nearby, please don’t hesitate.  You won’t be sorry!

And, I believe I have been inspired to share a time in my life when the Lord delivered me from a debilitating illness. Depression is not something to play around with. It can incapacitate or even worse – lead someone into attempting suicide, which it had me, several times.  At this point in my life, I was more than likely in a chemical depression caused by more than just an emotional situation but I was also experiencing an early change in a woman’s life so I had hormones that were raging. I also found info on the Internet that showed me that I was depressed about being depressed. This can happen to Christians when they think a Christian shouldn’t feel that way.

I was led to reading Psalms. If anyone can read Psalms and think David didn’t have bouts of depression, they certainly have a different viewpoint than most. I was also going through Christian counseling at the time, which was quite helpful but rather slow since I’d more recently moved from Ohio so this gentleman didn’t know much about my life, with me being 47 years old, that was quite a long time to get caught up on.

It was September of 2007. I had gotten a new CD called “End of Silence” by the band, Red. This CD sounded so much like a Rock Opera to me that I just fell in love with it, listening to it for hours. Still my favorite, the song “Lost” led me into a deeper walk with God. I am including the acoustic version of this song that the band put out later.

If you would like to hear the original version, it is:

“LOST” lyrics"
by Red

Can I be dreaming once again?
I'm reaching helpless I descend
You're leading deeper through this maze
I'm not afraid

I'm lost in you everywhere I run
Everywhere I turn I'm finding something new
I'm lost in you something I can't fight

I cannot escape
I could spend my life lost in you

Lost in you

Your whispers fill these empty halls
I'm searching for you as you call
I'm bracing, chasing after you
I need you more

I'm lost in you everywhere I run
Everywhere I turn I'm finding something new
I'm lost in you something I can't fight
I cannot escape
I could spend my life lost in you

I could never be the same here
Something that I never could erase
I could never look away
I lost myself in you

It's all over now
Lost in you
Everywhere I run
Lost in you
Everywhere I run
Lost in you
Lost in you

written by Jasen Rauch, Rob Graves, and Chad Cates
Behind the Song:

"This song ultimately is a love song to God. God’s love is so rich, so mysterious, yet so deep that it envelops us to the point where we get lost in Him. (Romans 8:38-39)" – Red"

And, I learned to *soak in the Holy Spirit while listening to this song, and this album.

It took me an entire day to realize that God was doing something different in my life. I even apologized to Him for not doing all my housework. I answered the telephone, loaded the dishwasher, fixed dinner and ate with my husband but otherwise, while running my errands and the time spent at home, I was lost in Him for 4 days. Much later, while reading a book, I found that I had been in a mild trance. This is an excerpt of that book “The Final Quest” by Rick Joyner:
“Another higher-level prophetic experience is a trance, which is like dreaming when you are awake. Instead of just seeing a “screen” like in an open vision, you feel as if you are in the movie—actually there in some strange way. Peter fell into a trance in Acts 10:10, when he was instructed to go to the house of Cornelius and preach the gospel to the Gentiles for the first time. Paul, likewise, refers in Acts 22:17 to a trance he experienced while praying in the temple.

Trances were common experiences among the biblical prophets. The depth of trances can range from being rather mild—so that you are still conscious of your physical surroundings and can even still interact with them—to feeling as if you are literally in the place of your vision. This seems to be what Ezekiel experienced rather frequently, and what John probably experienced when he had the visions recorded in the Book of Revelation.”


May God bless you through my writing. If He has especially touched you in any way, please leave a comment below. Your comments are so very encouraging to me to help me to keep writing. Also, click on the “Uptweet” button on the above right and share! I pray you will keep coming back. I fully believe that my writing is by the inspiration of the Holy Spirit so if I am writing, there is someone that needs to read it! Maybe it’s you? Also, please be sure to share any questions you might have with me and if you would like to keep them personal (just between you and me) please don’t hesitate to e-mail me at juliana.pace@gmail.com. If I don’t know how to answer you, I will may every attempt to refer you to someone for more information. Thanks and may God bless all your days!


*Definition from www.wikipedia.com The purpose of Soaking Music is "setting aside of oneself to focus and meditate on God for renewal of strength and peace"[ Practitioners view it as "an aid in seeking God" or "Turning hearts back to the Father through intimate praise and worship". "This is about spending quality time with God without having a program to maintain. It is a time to focus on a relationship with the Lord where lives are truly changed"

My New Found Christmas - 1989

In July of 1988 I was arrested for selling LSD. I rededicated my life to the Lord just a few short days after and was baptized 5 days before going to jail. On December 8, 1988 I was sentenced to prison for drug trafficking. I spent 6 days in the county jail, and then was transferred to the women’s prison.  At this point I was in “Admissions” for the first 4 weeks, or a place where I would wait to see where they would put me within the prison population. There were approximately 110 women in Admissions. Except for meals plus 15 minutes after and 1.5 hours after the evening meal I was locked in a 9X5 cell with 1 roommate. We all got just one phone call per month – mine was scheduled after Christmas. I would sit under the covers during the day with my coat on, with one hand out reading the Bible or writing letters due to the temperature in the cell. I read and studied the whole New Testament in that month, some chapters over and over again.  A couple of days before Christmas they gave us a little bag with a candy cane and a couple of cookies in it, which was donated by some church. Christmas day was a day that started out like any other.  I could really see no visible difference, or so I thought. They did allow us to be out of our rooms most of the afternoon after lunch. Everything was going about the same as any other day though, women playing cards and drawing. But this afternoon, they did have a special Christmas service in the chapel. Nearly everyone attended that day, which was very unusual. Crammed cheek to cheek in that tiny chapel we sang Christmas carols and the Chaplain gave a powerful sermon. As the tears started flowing around me, the Chaplain gave the call for those who wanted to, to raise their hands and repeat the sinner’s prayer to receive Jesus into their hearts. With head bowed, I peeked and looked around the chapel and saw that nearly every hand was raised. Two of my closest friends, one sitting on either side of me were sobbing as they repeated the prayer and you know it…I was sobbing right along with them. Not tears of sorrow because I was locked away from my family, but tears of joy because I had new sisters sitting all around me.  After we returned to Admissions the whole mood had changed. Everyone was singing Christmas carols and other favorite hymns. God was truly there touching every one of us.  It was the best Christmas I ever had! It’s not the presents or even family and a big dinner, it’s the day we celebrate Jesus’ Birthday -- the best gift of all!

He Created You - He Loves You Outrageously - 2010

The other day I went to the store to get diapers for my mother. Yes, it's that role reversal time in my life. She did it for me approximately 49 years ago, now it's my turn. I was thinking whether there was anything needed to get while I was there and it just kept coming to mind that I needed to look at the books. This came to mind several times over the course of the morning and even a couple of times after entering this particular store so that, of course, I had to go and look. (I finished a class last week on deliverance which was an intense 3 month course where I spent 1 1/2 to 2 hours every weekday morning in the workbook and in God's word. I had been lamenting the ending of this class, even though with tremendously positive results for me and all who attended, but I longed for intense study to continue.).  I was attracted to this little, inexpensive workbook about being Yourself which I saw as a book that I needed to purchase

The following day I started to read it. I hadn't paid any attention to anything but the title and knowing that it was just what stood out on that bookstand. Then I came upon the forward, which was about public speaking (just what I believe God is moving me towards in ministry). My jaw dropped. As I kept reading I believe I was inspired to write down a summary of what happens in people's lives: 

I'm Born - I'm who God wants me to be. He is delighted in me. "God designed you perfectly. You are God's delight. God's handiwork, and you are wonderfully unique." (from this book - BEING YOURSELF)

I Live life - I'm piled deep in baggage/garbage from a crazy life. But, God still loves me and is still with me all the time.

Then, God delivers me/heals me from all that baggage/garbage! He cleanses me, because I seek Him! It is His delight to cleanse me from all unrighteousness.

Then - I'm learning to be me - the me He created me to be!

"Just As You Are God designed you perfectly. You are God's delight, God's handiwork, and you are wonderfully unique. Despite pressures from outside forces that make you feel as if you need to change in order to measure up, God loves you just as you are and more than you could know!" exerpt from "BEING YOURSELF".

My pastor gave us a CD several Sundays ago and said that we needed to listen to it once a day for 21 days. I want to share this will all of you. I'm still listening to this, sometimes several times a day. Please don't cut yourself short and not listen to it!

Merry Christmas from Me - 2009

In reflection back to my trip to church this past Sunday (12/20), I was listening to a Christmas CD, alone in my car so I had it cranked up! I heard the lyrics "How could Heaven's heart not break, On the day that you came?" and it hit me. I'd never looked at it from that perspective before. Heaven knew that Jesus was born to die for all mankind. And, I was on the verge of tears for nearly the entire church service. What a sacrifice!  What an amazing sacrifice! And, my one wish this holiday season is that all mankind would know that Jesus is the reason for the season!  What a difference that would make!

Gloria
The Christmas Sessions

by MercyMe
Lyrics:
Angels we have heard on high
Sweetly singing o'er the plains
And the mountains in reply
Echoing their joyous strains

Shepherds, why this jubilee?
Why your joyous strains prolong?
What the gladsome tidings be
Which inspire your heavenly song?

Gloria in excelsis Deo
Gloria in excelsis Deo

Come to Bethlehem and see
Christ whose birth the angels sing
Come adore on bended knee
Christ the Lord, the newborn King

See Him in a manger laid
Whom the choirs of angels praise
Mary, Joseph, lend your aid
While our hearts in love we raise

How could Heaven's heart not break
On the day, the day that You came?
Salvation's reason to celebrate
On the day, the day that You came

Gloria, Gloria, Gloria

Being Ill - A Reflection - 2010

I just got up and out from having an abscessed tooth. This is Wednesday and I'd only been down since late Saturday night. I was driving down the road in retrospect of the time I spent in bed from 2001 to 2003 and thinking that I truly don't know how I made it through that time. I had CNS Vasculitis which has waxing and waning symptoms so while I wasn't down in bed all the time, I didn't ever know how I would be from one day to the next, or even one hour to the next, spending most of my time in PJ's. So, I was truly getting (not just in my head) but in my heart, how God provides us with what we need when we need it! I believe, for several months now, that I've had this kind of a light-bulb thing trying to come on in my mind's eye! For instance, I see myself in a certain place and I realize that 10 year ago, I could never have done that! God has such perfectly amazing timing and He sure gives you what you need for today! One Day at a Time, Lord!

Let me live one day at a time!

Failure - A Problem? - 2010

This morning, as most other mornings, I was doing my devotions. I hadn't read in the "Jesus Calling" book for some time, but it was a new year and the page for today had been highlighted and written on for last year. I thought it must be quite important and after I read it, I knew that I must share it with others:

"You can achieve the victorious life through living in deep dependence on Me. People usually associate victory with success; not, falling or stumbling, not making mistakes. But those who are successful in their own strength tend to go their own way, forgetting about Me. It is through problems and failure, weakness and neediness that you learn to rely on Me."

True dependence is not simply asking Me to bless what you have decided to do. It is coming to Me with an open mind and heart, inviting Me to plant my desires within you. I may infuse within you a dream that seems far beyond your reach. You know that in yourself you cannot achieve such a goal. Thus begins your journey of profound reliance on Me as much as you need. This is not a path of continual success but of multiple failures. However, each failure is followed by a growth spurt, nourished by increased reliance on Me. Enjoy the blessedness of a victorious life, through deepening your dependence on Me. Psalm 34:17-18; 2 Corinthians 5:7 (NKJV)."

Awesome Healing Share – 2010 with Update in 2013

Just proved it! To explain; last night while watching Morningstar TV I was holding my left hand and praying for it (step-son saw this happen) because I've still had a terrible time with arthritis and nerve damage from the CNS Vasculitis. When, the guy on the TV (live) called out a Word of Knowledge of a healing in a left hand, and tingling and nerve damage were healing and I was crying and Brian heard it and spun around in his chair.
I was just painting my nails and used to really fight holding my left hand still when painting the right and had no trouble tonight! Hallelujah! I knew it...I've been healed! And, please join me in giving a big praise to the Lord!

Update – 2013:  God heals in many ways and although I’m sure that most all people would want to be healed instantaneously I’ve seen Him heal over time more than anything else.  For me, I thought my left arm had been wholly healed back in 2010 and I thought it would be just a gradual thing.  But, last year I had a bad fall breaking my left arm, dislocating my shoulder, and I also had a full-thickness tear of the rotator cuff along with surgery.  Oh I did go through a spell when I thought I was finally losing my left arm as explained in several posts from 2012.  I’d forgotten all about this healing time until I just found this post a few days ago.

Yes, I had to go through quite a bit with this injury.  I was down for nearly 6 months of 2012.  But as I went through physical therapy for this I started noticing that I could carry a plate in my left hand without any tremors.  I used to nearly throw the plate and just could not carry one since the stroke in early 2001.  I am still able to and continuing to heal.  Although it is taking some time to get my full strength back, I received full range of motion back in that arm in just 5 months.  I was told that as severe as my injury was that the full range of motion could take up to a year.  After just 5 months I was praying in church and in my mind’s eye I saw myself with both arms in the air, I opened my eyes and called to my son and put both arms straight up in the air waving at him.  I have had full range of motion ever since.  I haven’t ridden roller coasters since the fall (haven’t actually had the chance) but I’ve been doing everything else (even lifting things down from higher cupboards, the top of the refrigerator, etc.).  I have also never had to wear the brace again that I’ve had on my left hand several times in the past.  And, of course, carrying plates with my left hand…NO PROBLEM!  What I’d thought was just to hinder me has helped me to regain what I’d lost a good 13 years ago!  Hallelujah!

Don't put anything past Him!  You're healed when He says you are and ONLY HE knows when that will happen!

May God bless you through my writing. If He has especially touched you in any way, please leave a comment below. Your comments are so very encouraging to me to help me to keep writing. Also, click on the “Uptweet” button on the above right and share! I pray you will keep coming back. I fully believe that my writing is by the inspiration of the Holy Spirit so if I am writing, there is someone that needs to read it! Maybe it’s you? Also, please be sure to share any questions you might have with me and if you would like to keep them personal (just between you and me) please don’t hesitate to e-mail me at:  juliana.pace@gmail.com. If I don’t know how to answer you, I will may every attempt to refer you to someone for more information. Thanks and may God bless all your days!

Writing at the Beach - An Angel Visit - 2009

It was February 11th, 2009 and my first day away from home writing out on Anna Maria Island.

I basked in the sun that was warming my skin as I felt God changing me in ways that I couldn’t control. The atmosphere was thick with a warm, softness as His presence permeated deep into my spirit. I found I liked being alone with Him in that place of His exquisite beauty. He guided me there for a special reason that I’m just only starting to learn about.

(In 2006, after our move from Ohio I drove out to the island and as I turned right onto Gulf drive, words flooded my mind. Oh I am so pleased for His words! And, it happened! Why did it take me so long? “Send me an instrument that I may write down more of Your words! Wow! Thank You, Papa! I know now where I belong at least part of the time! I praise Your name! Lead me into more of You!)

I wrote, I read Hemmingway, and I walked! I had the most stress-free time I’ve had in I don’t know how long.

Poem written while at the beach:

PEACE BE WITH ME

Peace be with me
All of these days
Walking with my Lord
In enamored praise.

Oh, I’m so pleased
That I didn’t tarry long
And came home running
To His open arms!

Oh Lord don’t ever let me
Fall down that slippery slope
Into that thoughtless world
A world that’s lost all hope.

I only want to bask in You
To feel Your ever present love
And know my life is focused
On the Holy One above!

By Juliana Pace 02/11/09

During my drive home I realized that I was experiencing a new gift from my heavenly Papa – I felt the urge to describe everything as I saw it. Everything had some different reason or perspective behind it. Green wasn’t just green anymore!

And, then it happened. No one has ever commented on the Christian signs on my car until that day in bumper to bumper traffic a gentleman in the next lane motioned to me to turn down my CD player.  He pointed at the static sticker in my right rear window (“Christianity is a Relationship”) and then said, “It is one, isn’t it? You can’t do it all alone?” and it touched my heart to the point of tears. I never noticed him in the lane next to me again. He didn’t roll down his window; he opened his truck door to talk to me. Who was he?

And then I was home in awe and looking forward to my next writing trip! Much more to come!

The attached photo was taken the same day!

My First MRI - Written in 2006

The end of 2000, I was a major work-a-holic.  My husband and I were having problems! He kept telling me he loved me but I didn’t feel like I was seeing any evidence of that. I called myself a computer widow. I was the main one raising his son. I was working in Transcription in Radiology at a large multi-county Medical Center at that time. One of our doctors (we had 7 Radiologists) came in and asked me to help him with something. As I was explaining, he took a tissue out of the box on my desk and wiped up a water spot I had made from my cup of ice water. I cried!

That doctor and I never did anything more than just talk, but my husband found a note that I had written to the doctor on Christmas eve, which was slightly suggestive of the idea that I wanted more. Of course, My husband and I went ‘round and I told him that if our marriage was going to survive, we needed to get into counseling. We had his whole family coming for the yearly Christmas Eve party, so we had to put it behind us.

I was already on my second round of anti-biotics for a supposed ear infection at that time. I kept getting more and more ill. My family doc started running all kinds of tests.  He wasn't sure what was going on. I was running into walls and it appeared that I just had an inner ear infection but that nothing would get rid of it. Finally, I talked to one of the Radiologists about my problems and he thought it was best to just do an MRI of my head and internal auditory canals (since I’d had Tinnitus -for a year or so, but only on one side). 

I was scheduled to have an MRI done on January 24th. The evening before the MRI, I sat on my screened back porch. I was talking to God about all that was going on at our house. I ended up telling Him that if there had to be something badly wrong with my brain for us to become closer to Him and closer to each other, then so be it. I just couldn’t stand all the problems, fighting, and worst of all the neglect, any more. I also believe that God showed me to call my mom and tell her that if they found something badly wrong with my brain that she shouldn’t worry because He was taking care of it.

The following day I had the MRI. I knew how to call up the reports on the telephone since I worked in Radiology, so I did that evening and the first thing I heard was that I had a ring-enhancing lesion of about 2 cm in my left frontal lobe that looked like brain metastasis (cancer that had spread from some other primary source) among other lesions.  My husband was standing next to me and I fell to my knees screaming and crying hysterically (of course, I’m still human). I called Radiology, since the doctor that read my MRI was still there and he spoke with me. He said that he always tried to paint the worst picture so that doctors wouldn’t dawdle. And, he said if my doc called him the next day that he would tell him what should be done next. 

Our family hit a brick wall.  The next thing I did was call the 700 Club for prayer and put them on the speaker phone for the 3 of us to hear. I had thought maybe an acoustic neuroma  (benign brain tumor), but cancer was a whole lot different.

And, I went through 2 ½ more years of weekly testing and doctors. Think that may be an exaggeration? My attorney for Social Security had me write down everything including docs for the last 6 months of that 2 1/2 years. The total number of doctors was 14.

In July of 2003, I had an appointment with a doctor for a diagnosis confirmation that was the number one specialist in the world for CNS Vasculitis (CNS Vasculitis is an extremely rare auto immune disease that was only found by autopsy until 1999. There is yet no known cause and it is considered to be terminal). 

I was told by this doctor that he thought that I was in remission since he could see no active disease. He told me that I needed to move from looking at the disease to concentrating on getting better. And, I’ve been fighting, with God’s help, to move into a new life with Him ever since.

I can honestly say that we’ve had some majorly rough times. We’ve given up nearly all that we had and moved 1100 miles away to start a new life.  I was still using a cane to get around until the first day of that move when I through the cane on the dashboard of our moving truck, never to use it again!

In 2005, while our son and I were in Ohio selling our house, my husband had moved to my brother’s down in Bradenton, Florida to start working and he found our new church. I had never told him about that night on the back porch in 2001…and I cried.  

We went on to also join that same church the summer of 2006 and I could see how God had been working in our lives all that time through that whole storm.

Limited Edition - 2007

I had been wondering if there was something wrong with me. Did I need to grow up? Why am I so spastic feeling and love this heavy music that I feel so extremely passionate about? Is there something wrong with me since no one else my age, at least around here, likes this music? I know it’s OK to be unique but I’m still human and the world still can make its impression on me at times. I also tend to feel like I’m standing alone so much of the time. So, I’d been thinking and I asked the Lord if I needed to change.

Then, another friend died last week. She was just 49 (1.5 years older than me) and she drank herself to death. Then I remembered what my Psychologist told me back in the 80’s; that I was among the less than 5% who ever made it out. I’d known this for some time, in my head, but I guess it just didn’t get into my heart until now. I’m finally realizing what that meant; that there aren’t that many people who were where I was who got out alive (in so many words). In 1988, I was headed to commit myself to a mental institution when God pulled me back! Not that there are that few 47 year olds, but that there are that many less 47 year olds who have been where I was. That, if they didn’t find God, they didn’t make it; either by death, prison, the psychiatric hospital, etc.  I’m a ‘Limited Edition’. I know God made me to be one of a kind but even more so due to the extinction of many of my kind.  This is quite disheartening to say the least.   I’ve already known of 5 close friends that have died since God pulled me out;  three to suicide, two to booze.  And I’m sure there are others that I haven't hear about. But, this also causes me to have even more passion for the fight. For the good fight of faith in Jesus Christ! And, I’m more than happy to be me and to be unique and unlike anyone else!

Mom's Hospital(s) Visit(s) - A Reflection - 2010

I have been inspired to write about this since God can be seen so many times over during this whole process! My mother was admitted to a rehab hospital on Thursday, February 11th to have an NG tube put in for feeding and to have therapy for rehabilitation. This was a real shocker to me and I sent out many prayers for her and the family. This also put her in a facility that is about 27 miles away, although most of the driving is spent on I-75 so it is easier driving. She was admitted there and started therapy on Friday, but they were having trouble putting in the NG tube and she was ordered to have no food by mouth since she was having terrible choking spells, speculatively due to previous strokes. 

Then, on Saturday night I tripped and fell at home with no one here. My left knee slammed onto the floor and became numb with tingling shooting down into my left foot. I had the wind knocked out of me and started just bawling while yelling at Satan to leave me alone in Jesus’ name and then hollering “Help me, Jesus”. I started shrieking through the tears that I was torn in so many directions already that I didn’t need this on top of it (like I know what I need…LOL). I literally prayed to get up off of the floor and then shivered for the next couple of hours. I even had trouble getting up and down from my seats; I was just really off balance. I decided to go to bed soon. On Sunday morning when I woke up, there was nothing wrong with me, not even so much as the tiniest bruise! I know I cried out to Jesus and He heard me. Psalm 107:6 “Then they cried out to the LORD in their trouble, and He delivered them out of their distresses.” Hallelujah! 

Mom had the NG tube put in that morning at a local hospital by fluoroscope and was taken back to the rehab hospital. They started feedings using the NG tube and she seemed to be tolerating it well. On Monday I went to visit her for several hours. I read the Bible and a prayer book to her and she said we were making memories. We had a lovely time.

On Tuesday I was called to wait and go to the hospital. Mom had a bad night and was not doing well. She’d stopped swallowing so the NG tube needed to be removed. It was causing more problems than good. It seemed that she may have had a small stroke in the night and also the possibility of aspiration pneumonia. So, I waited until I found out she had been transported to the hospital and I met her there. She looked awful! I thought she looked as though she was at death’s door. I told her that I was unsure of God’s will in this but that I was praying for mercy. My mom and I have had talks. We both know that we will be in heaven someday. We have that blessed assurance. We know when it is her time (or mine for that matter) that it won’t be good-bye forever. It will just be “see ya later” and in God’s time we will be together again. So, this was not the anguish here, it was so hard to see her suffering. My churches Care Pastor came to visit us and pray with us that night. I believe he was more help at that time than even he knew. And, after praying, my mother already started to look better as even noted by her nurse who said that the breathing treatment and slight amount of antibiotics that had gotten into her so far could not have done that much good yet. Praise the Lord!

I set out to make it down to see my mom daily, even though it was a little distance on some of the busiest roads in the area. The first day I went to see her it took me about 45 minutes to get there (1/2 hour in traffic by way of Google) and nearly 1 ½ hours to get home in near bumper to bumper, stop and go traffic the entire way. I was literally exhausted by the time I got home. Totally spent and had trouble even making dinner for my husband and son. So, I devised a plan to go later the next day to avoid quitting time traffic. 

The trip down to see my mom went well. She looked much, much better already. During “quitting time”, a nurse showed up in my mom’s room to move her to another room. He said that there had been a multi-car pile-up on the same route that I’d taken the day before, and at the same time. This nurse was also from a very small town outside my home town back in Ohio. It didn’t dawn on me till the trip home that this change in time on the route I took more than likely caused me to avoid a multi-car pile-up. And, another strange thing is that I would not have known about this unless that nurse had shown up and we’d talked so much since I do not listen to the local news. God’s hand is shown upon me once again!

I went to see my mom the next day at the rehab facility and she is already having therapy and I’m praying she will respond well, but that is all in God’s hands!   

After all of this, the next thing to happen was that I got sick with the stomach flu. I could no longer go to visit my mom; being contagious to her and the other elderly people could have been devastating. On the third day of the flu, my phone rang and it was my mom. I was so very thankful to hear from her.   I'm not sure how long it had been since she'd spoken with me on the phone.  (One thing I realized when I got sick is that I still wanted to talk to her. We’d lived in the same town in Ohio most of the years before moving to Florida in 2005 and I was so used to her always being there whenever I’d gotten sick in the past. I really had no idea how strongly I’d feel about this until it happened.) And it helped her to feel useful once again. Both of us felt that God had given us a miracle, too, in that she was once again able to use her telephone. We’ve talked daily for more than 10 days now. I have gone to visit her 3 times again. We are now coming to the understanding that I won’t be able to visit as often because of the distance between us but God has established the phone again as a line of communication between us. I’ve been able to watch His guiding hand through this entire season of events. He truly works all things out for our good. (Romans 8:28).

What God Has Done in My Life - Recent Reflections - 2010

I’ve had the recent opportunity to do quite a bit of driving, mostly in helping out with my elderly mother. I say 'opportunity' because it has seemed that the Holy Spirit has been bringing to remembrance many of the side effects of my prior illness from the early 2000’s in turn, to have me reflect on how far I’ve come. That even though I still have some physical and mental deficits, I am nowhere near where I was 9 years ago.

To reflect on a visit to my mom’s nursing home. The first time I met and spoke with the assistant Director of Nursing, I shared with her that I’d previously been diagnosed with CNS Vasculitis (Central Nervous System Vasculitis) and her mouth fell. She shared that she’d just read about a gentleman with CNSV and was very genuinely fascinated. I shared that I was re-learning how to ride a bike, among other things. Her response was, “You’re not supposed to be re-learning how to ride a bike! You’re supposed to be dead!” and she was so right. (The information for CNS Vasculitis is extremely lengthy. To put it in fewer words, it is the inflammation of the arteries in the brain and spinal cord. It is extremely rare. At the time of my diagnosis (2003) there were 200 known cases or even less. It still had no confirmed cause, no known cure, and was considered to be terminal.

My mind has gone back, over and over again to the long 2 ½ years I spent mostly in bed but running between doctors, testing, hospital stays, and surgeries. In the first year, alone, I was on 26 prescriptions at one time. I learned to give myself shots. The steroid that they put me on to take down the numbness and swelling in my brain caused numerous side effects alone, which I carried for another 4 years beyond the 2 months that I took it (Decadron). One part of my life was a nightmare, while I communed with God. While I learned to be still and know He is God (Psalm 46:10a “Be still, and know that I am God”).

And, 9 years later, I am amazingly thankful for this time in my life. I have come to the realization that “…we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.” (Romans 8:28).  He has revealed to me many reasons why this illness befell me but the most pertinent one to me is that I prayed for years and years to become closer to Him, to have more time with Him, for less of me and more of Him so this was all an answer to my many prayers. He knew I was distracted from all of this by this world so He plucked me out of it. He’s set me aside to seek for more of Him. And, I have become thankful in All things, all praise and glory to God!

My Papa's Gift - 2010

My step-son is moving back out. We had the opportunity to go up to Ikea with him to help him find various things that he needed. We had just been to Ikea a couple of weeks ago so I was unsure that we needed anything (said a little prayer in my mind) but thought I’d go along to support him and for a little get-away (relaxing ride to Tampa, also). I believed this trip was in God’s direction.

When we got there and were on the way in the as-is room (things priced down very cheaply – opened boxes, seconds, etc…) went through my mind quite abruptly. I knew that I had to visit that area before we left there. We went on to finding the things that he needed.

When we got down to the as-is room, I was talking to the Lord in my head and I knew that I had to specifically look for something special that He had there for me. I looked through almost all of the things in that room and was tired so I looked for a place to sit for a minute and then I spotted it and tears came to my eyes. I nearly tripped over this 4 sided wooden box with slits cut for handles and feet with a $10.00 sticker on it. Then my Grandpa’s tiles came to mind. I was bowled over. To explain: I have had a box of porcelain on steel tiles for quite a few years that my maternal Grandfather manufactured (I’m told) in the 1930’s (he was promoted to Glory in 1980). I’ve had the idea to make a wooden box, covered with them, for a planter to make a way of cherishing them where I could see them. I’ve only seen these tiles once or twice, out in our shed, since our move to Florida in 2005. I’d not even had the opportunity to work on it since the move although it has been a dream of mine since Ohio. It so touched my heart that I was sharing what happened with Joe and could hardly speak due to being so choked up. I was struck by how intimately my Papa knows me. How amazingly He was being my provider. And, the materials to make the box would’ve definitely come to more than $10.00 and required quite a bit of planning and work. I also felt that with this, He showed, once more, His appreciation for my sentimentality. Much of my artwork that has been inspired by the Holy Spirit has used old jewelry, old button shoe clips of my Grandmother, old family photographs, etc... which helped them to become so much more special, to me.

My husband and I have been coming closer and closer to the Lord. We have been shown sacrifices to make and have been obedient. Over the weekend I’d put my foot down and claimed that I would not doubt Him, no matter what. And, I shared with my guys (that seemed nearly oblivious to what had happened) that through this plain old box that probably no one else wanted (end of the day, too) that God was able to touch me to the point of tears (what is one man’s trash is another’s treasure). I saw that as so special, so intimate…He wanted to touch me in such a way that I had absolutely no doubt that this box was a gift from Him. And, this verse came to mind: *Matthew 7:11 “If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask Him!”

Our Responsibility to Reach - 2007

It is our responsibility to reach the “unreachable”! God is anointing our path! He is the only way these people can be reached…the world’s throw-aways; the ones that threw themselves away because they thought no one wanted them. Today I made a contract with God to protect me and I would lead them to Him!

Let me explain a bit further: I was lost but I found Him! In 1988, I’d just been arrested for selling LSD, when I was at the bottom; He found me there and pulled me up out of the bottomless pit. I did 16 months in prison learning to know Him better, and then I was loosed on the world. I married, learned to live life on the outside while working in a hospital for nearly 10 years and raising my husband’s son. I was also a stagnate Christian! 

In 2001, brain lesions were found and I ended up being diagnosed with a terminal illness (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cerebral_vasculitis). I was healed and I’m coming back with a vengeance for God! I told Him to use me in 1988, and He’s holding me to it! Now, I am 47 years young and as long as I’m with Him, I sure don’t feel old and I’m growing stronger with each and every day! He won’t let me go!

Today, He moved me to write and so I’m writing! When I was in prison, I used to lay back on my bunk and listen to the music that I was sent, with my headphones and walk man, and let God transport me to another place in His Holy Spirit! There was very little Christian music at that time, but He used what there was (White Cross, Rez, Petra and even Amy Grant to name a few). Years ago, I found “God” by Rebecca St. James and my eyes and ears were opened further to the point of Kutless and then Skillet. And the feelings I had of wanting to shout that I’d found Him from the rooftops, was met! More recently, I found www.theblast.fm and I found even more to life! In 1971, I got high and listened to Dark Side of the Moon by Pink Floyd to escape from this world and right now, I’m listening to Red “End of Silence” and getting high on God! I’ve found my way of escape and it’s so very much sweeter than before!

It is our responsibility to reach those who are the lost and/or will be the lost if they stay on the same path. These people are waiting for us, but may not even know we’re coming! He is sending us to pull them out of the path of Satan, to pull them out of that bottomless pit where I was falling. I was told by my psychologist in the 1980’s that I was one in 5% that ever gets out of where I was! Our road is steep, and climbable only with Him!

I am writing this today as confirmation for what He has already shown you because He has shown me, too!

*Isaiah 61   "The Spirit of the Lord GOD is upon Me, because the LORD hath anointed Me to preach good tidings unto the meek. He hath sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to them that are bound,  To proclaim the acceptable year of the LORD, and the day of vengeance of our God; to comfort all that mourn,  To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness, that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the LORD, that He might be glorified…"

YOU ARE - 2010

This weekend has been a profound one. I believe He has led me to share some of this with those who read this blog.

I truly wish I could find more time to write but it seems that I only feel led to this point when God is truly working something in me that's moved me to tears time and again and I have the time to sit down, which is now.

I shared with an old friend recently that I was so thankful to have the few friends that stuck by me even though I was not one of those ‘most of the night partiers’. I was part of a group of people in a music fan club for several years. My husband was the DJ for their yearly conventions. I found myself spending a whole lot of time in my hotel room because I didn't want to be a part of the drinking and carousing in the hotel rooms of others. There were certain people who stand out in my mind because they always befriended me. They walked with me and talked with me, even though I wouldn't be a part, and they treated me in such a way that I knew they cared for me. These people touched my heart and some now are also Christians and not a part of this most of the night stuff, either. One of these people wrote to me recently. They shared that I was one of the nicest people at these conventions. I shared that if they'd known the parties I had in the 1980's that were an absolute hell on earth to me, that they would understand why I had no trouble at all staying away from those convention parties.

Then the Lord started to work in my heart. And, I couldn't explain it. Something was churning inside of me and I felt different. Later last night, My husband and I were watching a movie and an actor got terribly angry and I just had to turn my head away and I was getting terribly upset. My husband reminded me that it was just a movie and I calmed down and thanked him for reminding me of that. Then I shared with him what I had told the friend that I’d heard from. And, all of this kept churning within my mind, and within my spirit.

 I've shared with people in the past that I truly believe that if I walked away from God that it would be like pulling my own plug. God is my lifeline. Without Him I couldn't survive. To explain further, everyone is like me and has been there (says them). But, God has shown me that I'm alive ONLY by His hand. That I was going over the edge. I was checking out of life. I was finished with it all! I'd had too much! I worked as a secretary/ bookkeeper/ activity director and director pro tem at a county agency when I was arrested for selling LSD. I ran around looking preppy in my ironed skirts and high heels. I at least thought had the world fooled for so long, but I was dying inside! I could take this world no longer. I'd lived through years upon years of depression. When in my 20's, I was just doing what I could to survive, which meant being intoxicated on something as near 24 X 7 as possible, just to stay alive. This was necessary to me to make me forget all that I lived through in my younger years. And God watched and kept me alive all through it as my mother prayed! (

Hebrews 13:5b “For He Himself has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.””

And

James 5:16b “The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much.”

And, yesterday He revealed to me how much He cared, even through all my craziness! He gave me a revelation that He knew how bad I’d been hurting inside! (Those memories that haunted me from my teenage years, he healed some time ago. I was unable to even go through “trashing” those memories. I could not relive them in my mind. He took all that pain away, Praise the Lord! He delivered me!) I realized I still had awful ones to remember from my adulthood. Someone doesn't go through such things without a profound effect on them.

When I was in the group home for mental health patients in a profound depression at 19, I witnessed several gory suicide attempts, along with one of my closest friends being a cutter. I was in a psychiatric ward, myself, for 5 different suicide attempts or near attempts. That is why after I was arrested for selling drugs (1988) that suicide had ceased to be an option in my mind. I couldn't even do that right, or so I thought.

Last night, I had the realization that He watched me, He carried me. After I was arrested, He pulled me to Him. He knew I'd had enough.  I was headed to commit myself and He sent friends to tell me more about Him. He stopped me from checking out of life!

And, His love for me reached deep down inside and pulled out those hurts and I cried and cried and cried some more. For two Sundays it had seemed as though He was taking me aside, touching me in a way apart from the congregation. And I wept. I had this profound KNOWING that even when I felt so alone all those years, that I wasn’t. God was there! And, I experienced His healing love within my heart once again!

And, He continues to be, everything I need! Do you need Him? If you would like to accept Jesus into your heart, please repeat this simple prayer, truly meaning it, and you will be saved. God bless you!

Dear God,
I admit that I am a sinner. I have done many things that don’t please you. I am sorry and I repent. I ask you to forgive me. I believe that you died on the cross for my sins. I come to you now and ask you to take control of my life, I give it to you. Help me to live every day in a way that pleases you. Amen

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=211y1hH8EnI

May God bless you through my writing. If He has especially touched you in any way, please leave a comment below. Your comments are so very encouraging to me to help me to keep writing. Also, click on the “Uptweet” button on the above right and share! I pray you will keep coming back. I fully believe that my writing is by the inspiration of the Holy Spirit so if I am writing, there is someone that needs to read it! Maybe it’s you? Also, please be sure to share any questions you might have with me and if you would like to keep them personal (just between you and me) please don’t hesitate to e-mail me at juliana.pace@gmail.com. If I don’t know how to answer you, I will may every attempt to refer you to someone for more information. Thanks and may God bless all your days!