He is making perfect sense out of a perfectly senseless, messed up life!

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Why I Love Heavy Christian Music - Written 2006

I have been anointed by the Holy Spirit in writing, speaking, singing, etc… since my prison stint Dec. 1988 – March 1990.  I have done some writing on the outside by inspiration periodically but it never seemed as strong as in prison, until this morning.   As my walk has drawn me so very much closer to the Lord my writing continues to become more and more inspired by God!

In the past I’ve had the pounding, hard hitting sound of Skillet brought up to me over and over. How people, even Christian people, are scared of their music and just don’t understand. Since I love Skillet’s music, I’ve been thinking time and again about why I love their music, especially when I’m 46 years old. I wondered exactly how I could explain why I love their music. I know that I’m a deeply feeling, passionate person. When I believe in something, I believe with my entire being.  I don’t just do it half way. 

I just explained it to my husband in that if the members of Skillet (or any other Christian, heavy rock band) weren’t getting their energy out in their music, where would they be letting it out? I’ve teased lately that if I wasn’t given over to the Lord, I’d probably be postal (if I was still even alive).

I feel about things so deeply! When I get inspired by the Lord, I have periods when I am so high - intoxicated by the presence of the Holy Spirit that I have trouble walking and surely wouldn’t even attempt to drive. This is from no outside substance abuse and I’ve felt His presence there countless times similarly since I rededicated my life to Him! *PHIL. 4:19 “But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus.” I believe that this doesn’t just pertain to material needs as it says “ALL your need” which is neither big nor small but ALL. I believe that God has given me, through His Holy Spirit, an appropriate intoxication by His Holy Spirit; the ultimate Intoxication. His peace according to *John 14:27 “Peace I leave with you; My peace I give unto you, not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.” .

Example: While in prison, one time that I visited my parents in visiting hall. My mother told me that my dad had been throwing temper tantrums.  As they left I was quite worried and concerned. What could I do? I was in prison. I couldn’t even call them to see how they were. I went back to my cell and laid on my bed to wait for dinner time. I prayed for my parents, giving them totally over to God while praying for some time. When I went downstairs later, two very new Christians saw me entering the room, pointed, and hollered “Look at her; she’s full of God” and I felt like I was only a vessel for the Holy Spirit. This is how He showed me of His intoxicating powers as He was leading me down into the break room.

At 10 years old when I sat in my folks basement stairwell and chugged Gin from the bottle, did I really know what I was doing? No, I was escaping into the booze, instead of into the Holy Spirit.  I was mistaken because I didn’t know how to find Him! God has shown me the right way this time! *John 14:26, 27 “But the Comforter, which is the Holy Ghost, whom the Father will send in my name, he shall teach you all things, and bring all things to your remembrance, whatsoever I have said unto you. Peace I leave with you; My peace I give unto you, not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.” 


As I get into the other world of Heaven from where I am now from, I get that feeling of wanting to shout of God’s glory from the rooftops, but that might irritate the neighbors and/or even get me arrested, so I listen to myself and dance around as I: *Psalm 150 ”Praise ye the LORD. Praise God in his sanctuary: praise him in the firmament of his power. Praise him for his mighty acts: praise him according to his excellent greatness. Praise him with the sound of the trumpet: praise him with the psaltery and harp. Praise him with the timbrel and dance: praise him with stringed instruments and organs. Praise him upon the loud cymbals: praise him upon the high sounding cymbals. Let every thing that hath breath praise the LORD. Praise ye the LORD.” I let Him know how much I love Him and crave His presence in my life.

We know, He has made us all to be individuals: *Psalm 139:13-18 ”For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand." We don’t all NEED the same thing. Just as I am getting strengthened in mind by figuring out routes in driving and playing solitaire (as confirmed by my Neurologist), someone else may not even care for either of those things, so God will use something else as we know He is an All knowing God and has all He need to help each of us as an individual and:


Lyrics: by John Cooper of Skillet (talking to God)

I hate feeling like this
I’m so tired of trying to fight this
I’m asleep and all I dream of
Is waking to you

Tell me that you will listen
Your touch is what I’m missing
And the more I hide I realize I’m slowly losing you

I’ll never wake up without an overdose of you

I don’t wanna live
I don’t wanna breathe
‘les I feel you next to me
you take the pain I feel
waking up to you never felt so real
I don’t wanna sleep
I don’t wanna dream
‘cause my dreams don’t comfort me
The way you make me feel
Waking up to you never felt so real

I hate living without you
Dead wrong to ever doubt you
But my demons lay in waiting
Tempting me away

Oh how I adore you
Oh how I thirst for you
Oh how I need you


Breathing life
Waking up My eyes
Open up
Don’t leave me alone

As far as witnessing is concerned: *1 Corinthians 9:19-23 “Though I am free and belong to no man, I make myself a slave to everyone, to win as many as possible. To the Jews I became like a Jew, to win the Jews. To those under the law I became like one under the law (though I myself am not under the law), so as to win those under the law. To those not having the law I became like one not having the law (though I am not free from God's law but am under Christ's law), so as to win those not having the law. To the weak I became weak, to win the weak. I have become all things to all men so that by all possible means I might save some. I do all this for the sake of the gospel, that I may share in its blessings.”
No one that truly knows me would never think that these lyrics aren’t for me?
Better than Drugs
Lyrics: by John Cooper of Skillet

Feel your every heartbeat
Feel you on these empty nights
Calm the ache, stop the shakes
You clear my mind
You’re my escape
From this messed up place
‘Cause you let me forget
You numb my pain

How can I tell you just all that you are
What you do to me

You’re better than drugs
your love is like wine
Feel you comin’ on so fast
Feel you comin’ to get me high
You’re better than drugs
Addicted for life
Feel you comin’ on so fast
Feel you comin’ on to get me high

Feel you when I’m restless
Feel you when I cannot cope
You’re my addiction, my prescription, my antidote
You kill the poison
Ease the suffering
Calm the rage when I’m afraid
To feel again
How can I tell you just all that you are
What you do to me

Feel your every heartbeat
Feel you on these empty nights
You’re the strength of my life

Feel your every heartbeat
Feel you on these empty nights
Feel your every heartbeat
Feel you come to get me high