He is making perfect sense out of a perfectly senseless, messed up life!

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

YOU ARE - 2010

This weekend has been a profound one. I believe He has led me to share some of this with those who read this blog.

I truly wish I could find more time to write but it seems that I only feel led to this point when God is truly working something in me that's moved me to tears time and again and I have the time to sit down, which is now.

I shared with an old friend recently that I was so thankful to have the few friends that stuck by me even though I was not one of those ‘most of the night partiers’. I was part of a group of people in a music fan club for several years. My husband was the DJ for their yearly conventions. I found myself spending a whole lot of time in my hotel room because I didn't want to be a part of the drinking and carousing in the hotel rooms of others. There were certain people who stand out in my mind because they always befriended me. They walked with me and talked with me, even though I wouldn't be a part, and they treated me in such a way that I knew they cared for me. These people touched my heart and some now are also Christians and not a part of this most of the night stuff, either. One of these people wrote to me recently. They shared that I was one of the nicest people at these conventions. I shared that if they'd known the parties I had in the 1980's that were an absolute hell on earth to me, that they would understand why I had no trouble at all staying away from those convention parties.

Then the Lord started to work in my heart. And, I couldn't explain it. Something was churning inside of me and I felt different. Later last night, My husband and I were watching a movie and an actor got terribly angry and I just had to turn my head away and I was getting terribly upset. My husband reminded me that it was just a movie and I calmed down and thanked him for reminding me of that. Then I shared with him what I had told the friend that I’d heard from. And, all of this kept churning within my mind, and within my spirit.

 I've shared with people in the past that I truly believe that if I walked away from God that it would be like pulling my own plug. God is my lifeline. Without Him I couldn't survive. To explain further, everyone is like me and has been there (says them). But, God has shown me that I'm alive ONLY by His hand. That I was going over the edge. I was checking out of life. I was finished with it all! I'd had too much! I worked as a secretary/ bookkeeper/ activity director and director pro tem at a county agency when I was arrested for selling LSD. I ran around looking preppy in my ironed skirts and high heels. I at least thought had the world fooled for so long, but I was dying inside! I could take this world no longer. I'd lived through years upon years of depression. When in my 20's, I was just doing what I could to survive, which meant being intoxicated on something as near 24 X 7 as possible, just to stay alive. This was necessary to me to make me forget all that I lived through in my younger years. And God watched and kept me alive all through it as my mother prayed! (

Hebrews 13:5b “For He Himself has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.””
And
James 5:16b “The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much.”

And, yesterday He revealed to me how much He cared, even through all my craziness! He gave me a revelation that He knew how bad I’d been hurting inside! (Those memories that haunted me from my teenage years, he healed some time ago. I was unable to even go through “trashing” those memories. I could not relive them in my mind. He took all that pain away, Praise the Lord! He delivered me!) I realized I still had awful ones to remember from my adulthood. Someone doesn't go through such things without a profound effect on them.

When I was in the group home for mental health patients in a profound depression at 19, I witnessed several gory suicide attempts, along with one of my closest friends being a cutter. I was in a psychiatric ward, myself, for 5 different suicide attempts or near attempts. That is why after I was arrested for selling drugs (1988) that suicide had ceased to be an option in my mind. I couldn't even do that right, or so I thought.

Last night, I had the realization that He watched me, He carried me. After I was arrested, He pulled me to Him. He knew I'd had enough.  I was headed to commit myself and He sent friends to tell me more about Him. He stopped me from checking out of life!

And, His love for me reached deep down inside and pulled out those hurts and I cried and cried and cried some more. For two Sundays it had seemed as though He was taking me aside, touching me in a way apart from the congregation. And I wept. I had this profound KNOWING that even when I felt so alone all those years, that I wasn’t. God was there! And, I experienced His healing love within my heart once again!

And, He continues to be, everything I need! Do you need Him? If you would like to accept Jesus into your heart, please repeat this simple prayer, truly meaning it, and you will be saved. God bless you!

Dear God,
I admit that I am a sinner. I have done many things that don’t please you. I am sorry and I repent. I ask you to forgive me. I believe that you died on the cross for my sins. I come to you now and ask you to take control of my life, I give it to you. Help me to live every day in a way that pleases you. Amen


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=211y1hH8EnI


May God bless you through my writing. If He has especially touched you in any way, please leave a comment below. Your comments are so very encouraging to me to help me to keep writing. Also, click on the “Uptweet” button on the above right and share! I pray you will keep coming back. I fully believe that my writing is by the inspiration of the Holy Spirit so if I am writing, there is someone that needs to read it! Maybe it’s you? Also, please be sure to share any questions you might have with me and if you would like to keep them personal (just between you and me) please don’t hesitate to e-mail me at juliana.pace@gmail.com. If I don’t know how to answer you, I will may every attempt to refer you to someone for more information. Thanks and may God bless all your days!