He is making perfect sense out of a perfectly senseless, messed up life!

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Limited Edition - 2007

I had been wondering if there was something wrong with me. Did I need to grow up? Why am I so spastic feeling and love this heavy music that I feel so extremely passionate about? Is there something wrong with me since no one else my age, at least around here, likes this music? I know it’s OK to be unique but I’m still human and the world still can make its impression on me at times. I also tend to feel like I’m standing alone so much of the time. So, I’d been thinking and I asked the Lord if I needed to change.

Then, another friend died last week. She was just 49 (1.5 years older than me) and she drank herself to death. Then I remembered what my Psychologist told me back in the 80’s; that I was among the less than 5% who ever made it out. I’d known this for some time, in my head, but I guess it just didn’t get into my heart until now. I’m finally realizing what that meant; that there aren’t that many people who were where I was who got out alive (in so many words). In 1988, I was headed to commit myself to a mental institution when God pulled me back! Not that there are that few 47 year olds, but that there are that many less 47 year olds who have been where I was. That, if they didn’t find God, they didn’t make it; either by death, prison, the psychiatric hospital, etc.  I’m a ‘Limited Edition’. I know God made me to be one of a kind but even more so due to the extinction of many of my kind.  This is quite disheartening to say the least.   I’ve already known of 5 close friends that have died since God pulled me out;  three to suicide, two to booze.  And I’m sure there are others that I haven't hear about. But, this also causes me to have even more passion for the fight. For the good fight of faith in Jesus Christ! And, I’m more than happy to be me and to be unique and unlike anyone else!